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Why My Family Doesn’t Allow Sleepovers
My parents were blissfully unaware. The first incident occurred at my friend Lily’s house when I was just 7—around the same age as my oldest son now. She mentioned that her cousin had shown her something that felt good, and then she proceeded to cross boundaries I never understood.
This behavior didn’t stop there. It continued at sleepovers and playdates. We’d sneak into the closet or hide under my dressing table, and she’d engage in things that were confusingly pleasurable yet deeply wrong. I was terrified and even worried about getting pregnant, despite not having a clue how that worked. I felt dirty, guilty, and ashamed. My first confession came rushing out: “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I touched someone and let someone else touch me.” Eventually, I mustered the courage to distance myself from her, pretending to be too busy for her invitations.
I never told anyone about it until I reached college. This experience shapes my decision to not allow my children to attend sleepovers.
Mainstream society often overlooks the fact that children can be perpetrators of sexual abuse, too. The CDC reports that 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men experience sexual abuse before turning 18. The Children’s Assessment Center of Houston defines sexual abuse as any sexual activity between adults and minors or even among minors when one coerces the other. Alarmingly, Darkness to Light, a child sexual abuse prevention organization, states that “as many as 40% of children who are sexually abused are abused by older or more powerful children.” This includes those sleepover friends or their older siblings.
I worry about kids—both mine and others. Let me hit you with some facts that might keep you up at night: according to Darkness to Light, a staggering 90% of abused children are assaulted by someone they know, and 60% are abused by individuals trusted by their families. Kids are most vulnerable between the ages of 7 and 13, with a median age of 9—prime sleepover territory.
When it comes to my children, I’m not willing to take those odds.
My concerns extend beyond just sexual abuse; I’m also worried about sexual exposure. I fear that my young kids might come across pornography, which is alarmingly prevalent in today’s digital age. The New York Times reported that 42% of children aged 10 to 17 have viewed pornography. While some sources suggest the average age of first exposure is 11, it’s hard to pinpoint exact figures—maybe it’s closer to 14. Regardless, I can set internet controls to make our home safe, but what about my kids’ friends who might have unrestricted access to their parents’ devices?
The pornography available today is vastly different from what existed in the past. Gone are the days of blurry late-night movies; now, the content is high-resolution, explicit, and often violent. This is not the kind of “entertainment” I want my kids to be exposed to while at a friend’s house. I’d much prefer they watch classic films like “E.T.” or “The Goonies” instead.
Unfortunately, I can’t determine which families or kids to trust, so for now, sleepovers are off the table. When asked, we politely decline—our kids will be sleeping under our roof. As they grow older, we may have to reconsider, but if that time comes, we’ll ensure there’s adequate supervision. We’ll also have candid discussions with other parents about our concerns, similar to how you’d talk about gun safety before a playdate. I’d rather be open about my fears than risk something happening to my kids. I don’t want them to face the threats of molestation or exposure to inappropriate content. So, for the time being, sleepovers are a no-go, because you really can’t be too careful. My parents didn’t know this, and now I do.
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Summary
In this article, the author shares a deeply personal experience that influenced her decision to prohibit sleepovers for her children. She highlights the alarming statistics surrounding childhood sexual abuse and the realities of exposure to inappropriate content in today’s digital world. The emphasis is on the need for vigilance and open discussions among parents to protect children from potential harm.