Updated: June 7, 2017
Originally Published: May 13, 2017
Earlier this week, I picked up my phone and was greeted by a slew of notifications lighting up my Facebook app. A college buddy liked my embarrassing childhood photos. My uncle sent yet another meme about politics. Someone shared a hilarious cat video. And then, out of nowhere—oh my gosh—Kathy Smith sent me a friend request.
My palms grew sweaty. Even at 32, I discovered I’m still susceptible to the old anxieties that rushed back at the sight of a high school mean girl. Seriously, after all those therapy sessions, it only takes one little push notification to send me into a tailspin. Suddenly, I was back in the cafeteria, desperately seeking a spot as far away as possible from the girls who made my teenage years unbearable.
And there she was: Kathy. Freaking. Smith. She looked exactly the same! Her profile picture could have been plucked right from our senior yearbook, except for the adorable curly-haired child wrapped around her legs.
Out of curiosity, I clicked on her profile. Let’s see what this girl has been up to for the last 15 years. Turns out, Kathy graduated from nursing school and tied the knot with her college sweetheart. She now has a beautiful family and, judging by her pictures, she truly thrives as a nurse in pediatric oncology.
The universe clearly continues to favor Kathy Freaking Smith. My finger hovered over the “ignore” button for a moment. How satisfying would it be to reject this girl who, for four years, made it her mission to reject me? Not that hitting ignore would erase the scars from those high school years, but still, it felt like my chance for payback!
Yet, I hesitated. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not above a little pettiness. I often envision serving up a hefty portion of karma to my very own Regina George. But looking at this image of a wife, mother, and caring nurse made me think back to a college night when my own bully, a Kathy Smith 2.0 (let’s call her Jenny), was sobbing on a frat party porch.
As someone with a compassionate heart and questionable judgment, I sat down next to her for a chat. Jenny was my complete opposite. While I brought a guitar to parties, she wielded a beer funnel. She was sharp-tongued and could instantly make anyone feel small with just a glance. But that night, she revealed a story about her traumatic childhood—about a girl who faced abuse and neglect and grew up feeling alone. Her meanness was a shield, a way to mask her own pain.
I didn’t walk away from that conversation with a new best friend, but I did gain insight into the struggles that shape people. It became clear that mean girls have their own battles. Being cruel isn’t a weapon; it’s a form of protection.
I can only imagine that Kathy Freaking Smith carries her own story behind her high school persona. Besides, I’m now happily married, a mother with a home filled with laughter, and I really don’t have room for bitterness. When I received that friend request from a high school mean girl, instead of ignoring it, I smiled. I could have brushed it off, but instead, I sent a virtual embrace—a small gesture of forgiveness.
I clicked the button that transformed a former adversary into a friend. Bloop! You and Kathy Smith are now connected. It felt oddly liberating.
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Summary:
The article reflects on the surprising emotions that arise when receiving a friend request from a high school bully. The author recounts their experience of confronting past trauma and the realization that even those who were mean often have their own struggles. Ultimately, the piece highlights themes of forgiveness and personal growth.