“I’m sorry,” I say to my teenage sitter as I glance at the clock. It’s 2:45 PM, and I promised to pick him up at 3:00. He waves me off. “No worries,” he replies.
“No, really,” I explain. “I have ADHD, which means I have a choice: I can either be late and rush around or I can compensate by arriving early. So, I usually arrive too early. I was going to be 25 minutes early, but I ended up driving around for a while.”
He chuckles, while my kids in the backseat roll their eyes. They know I’m serious. Sometimes we arrive at our homeschool group a full half-hour ahead of schedule. I’ll get them in the car, only to realize halfway down the road that I miscalculated our arrival time, prompting me to take an unnecessarily long detour. We sing to the Beatles, making the best of it, but it’s just another way time slips away.
As a mom with ADHD, my life is filled with lost time, neglected tasks, and misplaced belongings. Even with medication, the everyday responsibilities of motherhood can feel overwhelming—things that others seem to manage without a second thought.
Laundry Woes
Take laundry, for instance. My hampers may be empty, but my kitchen is overflowing with baskets of clean clothes. Sorting and carrying them to the appropriate rooms feels like a monumental task. Folding them into drawers? Forget it. I’ve settled for keeping clothes in personalized baskets. One basket shouldn’t take more than 10 minutes to deal with, but with 12 loads piling up in my kitchen, it turns into a laundry event I dread. By day’s end, I’m too exhausted to tackle it, and the baskets just sit there, mocking me.
My husband also has ADHD, and he handles dishes similarly. Whenever we have guests, we kindly ask them to steer clear of our kitchen chaos.
Family Dynamics
My eldest son shares the same ADHD diagnosis, which means he often misplaces his belongings as well. His backpack is frequently left behind at co-op, at church, or even at brunch. We spend our time driving back and forth to retrieve or return that worn-out Star Wars backpack. Thankfully, my phone addiction (another ADHD trait) means I rarely leave it behind. But toys get left at the playground, shoes and socks disappear, and I often forget packed lunches, resulting in a last-minute fast-food run. Losing artwork is one thing; misplacing an EpiPen is a whole different level of anxiety.
The Importance of Routine
Routine is essential for us. I need to take my medication first thing in the morning or I’ll forget. After that, I have to sip coffee for an hour. Our school day has to follow a specific order: reading, math, social studies, writing, and science. Throw in some catechism, and lunchtime is set for noon. Even our trips to Target follow a particular route, or we risk forgetting something on our list. If a Target is arranged differently than our usual one, we skip it entirely.
Hyperfocus Moments
Then there’s the hyperfocus. It’s what allows me to write an essay while my kids jump on our brand-new couches, only breaking my concentration when one of them wails. I’m vaguely aware of their antics but can tune them out in favor of completing my task. You can’t even speak to my son when he’s engrossed in Ninjago; he simply doesn’t register you unless you physically touch him.
Just today, both of us were hyperfocused on reading, and we missed the younger two kids who decided to spray water all over the bathroom with a diaper sprayer, claiming ants were invading. They know when we’re in our zone that they can get away with anything. It’s a coping mechanism we’ve had to adopt.
Embracing the Chaos
Being a mom with ADHD often means rushing or being early, constantly forgetting essentials like wipes, paper towels, or even an entire meal. My husband had to race to the doctor’s office with a credit card because we both left it on the desk. My car resembles a mobile trash can, perpetually cluttered, and we always delay cleaning it. Someone is frequently passing me my son’s coat, artwork, or that frustrating backpack. We misplace library books, and I only realize my kids have poured glitter glue everywhere when it’s far too late.
Yet, at its core, being an ADHD mom means simply being a mom. While my struggles may be amplified, they are the same challenges every mother faces, just more frequently and more visibly. The chaos and enforced routines may make me appear disorganized, but we find joy in our lives. We’re happy, and so are the kids. This is our reality, and we embrace it, even when it means living in a state of hyperfocus.
Further Reading
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Summary
Being a mother with ADHD presents unique challenges, from being late or early to misplacing belongings and managing daily tasks. With a sense of humor and strong routines, these moms navigate their responsibilities while juggling the added complexities of ADHD. Despite the chaos, their families thrive in an environment filled with love and understanding.