Parenting
By Lisa Thompson, Clinical Psychologist
Updated: Aug. 16, 2019 | Originally Published: March 18, 2014
Being a parent is both a beautiful journey and a daunting responsibility, particularly when it comes to shaping our children’s lives. While various factors such as genetics and cultural influences play a role in a child’s development, one of the most significant ways they learn is through observation—especially by imitating their parents.
This is particularly relevant in how children form their relationship with food. Sadly, negative attitudes about food and body image are pervasive and often seen as the norm. Many women we encounter have struggled with disordered eating or poor self-image, which can unintentionally be passed down to their children.
When a mother expresses dissatisfaction with her body or restricts her diet to certain foods, it increases the likelihood that her daughter will adopt similar behaviors and beliefs about her own body. To foster a healthy relationship with food, it’s crucial that parents first address their own issues. After all, how can we provide guidance that we ourselves haven’t achieved?
Transforming your perspective on food and body image is the most effective way to help your children feel confident in their bodies, regardless of size. While there is no quick solution to resolving personal food issues, change is achievable through awareness, honesty, and commitment.
Most challenges with food can be traced back to dysfunctional belief systems, both conscious and unconscious. These beliefs shape your feelings and behaviors. By altering your beliefs, you can change how you feel and act. However, many of these beliefs stem from childhood and are often unrecognized. To begin the healing process, you must first acknowledge your underlying beliefs about food, weight, and body image.
Once you’re aware of these beliefs, be open to replacing them with healthier, more balanced perspectives about food and your body. This task may feel overwhelming, and the truth is, change can be difficult. It requires dedication, persistence, and patience—all of which can be hard to muster when you’re juggling the demands of parenthood. Yet, the motivation to change often strengthens when we consider how our actions affect our children.
If we struggle to address our challenges, we may be more inclined to take action for the sake of our children, ensuring they don’t repeat our mistakes.
Although the journey may seem daunting, you can take small steps today to improve your relationship with food and body image, particularly in front of your children:
- Avoid complaining about your weight or discussing diets openly.
- Resist the urge to criticize your body when you see your reflection, even if you think you’re being subtle.
- Join your kids in the pool or at the park, showcasing comfort in your body, no matter its shape.
- Accept a treat from your child, even if you’re trying to cut back on sweets.
- Politely decline a snack by saying, “No thank you, I’m full,” after enjoying a treat.
The key is to recognize what a healthy relationship with food looks like and to embody that behavior. Even if you don’t fully believe it yet, acting in a positive way can help reshape your internal beliefs over time.
It’s also important to remember that if a child does develop issues with food and body image, it isn’t solely the mother’s fault. Many external influences, including culture, genetics, and brain chemistry, can affect a child’s relationship with food, regardless of a mother’s best intentions. However, there’s no denying the significant impact mothers can have on their children’s perceptions of their bodies.
Ultimately, being mentally stable is crucial for your children. Think of it like this: on an airplane, in an emergency, you must put on your own oxygen mask before assisting your child. If you’re struggling to breathe, you can’t effectively help them.
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In summary, fostering a healthy relationship with food and body image requires self-awareness and commitment. By taking steps to heal your own issues, you can better equip your children to develop their own positive relationships with food and self-image.