I truly adore my pediatrician. She’s a knowledgeable and warm-hearted French lady who once let me pay her in hugs before I had insurance. Although she later sent me a bill, she navigated my embarrassed tears with grace. I appreciate her so much that even after moving out of the city years ago, I still endure the frustrating drive to see her twice a year. However, there’s one thing that drives me up the wall: at the end of every appointment, she eagerly asks in her charming Franglish when I plan to give my daughter a sibling, insisting that children need siblings.
And it’s not just her. It seems that there’s a universal curiosity about women’s reproductive choices that kicks in during their twenties and thirties. Once you have a child, everyone—from the grocery store cashier to distant relatives—wants to know when you’ll be adding more little ones to your family. So, to save everyone some time, let me clearly state my stance: I will never have another child. Ever. I’m seriously considering tattooing my reasons on my forehead to avoid these incessant questions.
1. Sleep Is Sacred
First and foremost, my love for sleep is the biggest reason I’m not rushing to buy Palmer’s cocoa butter and those peculiar breast pads. I cherish my sleep. I love it so much that I’d marry it if I could, have one baby with it, and then fend off questions about having more kids. My daughter, at seven, has just started sleeping through the night consistently, and the thought of going back to sleepless nights with a newborn sends shivers down my spine.
2. Sibling Relationships Are Complicated
While I don’t hate my siblings, let’s just say my relationships with them vary. One sibling and I barely communicate, while I’m quite close to another. People often emphasize how wonderful sibling relationships are, but my experience shows that they can be complicated. My brother and I only grew close in adulthood, and I think we both had our moments as kids when we didn’t exactly see eye to eye.
3. Financial Freedom, Please!
Kids are expensive! I knew this when I decided to have my first child, but it didn’t truly hit home until I realized that she’d be with me for at least 18 years. Diapers, dance classes, and eventually college tuition add up quickly. I promised myself that my daughter would graduate without debt, and to make that happen, I need to avoid adding to my family size. One child can go to an Ivy League school; two might have to settle for a state university, and three? They might just need to learn a trade.
4. Pregnancy Is Not My Jam
I’ve mentioned my disdain for pregnancy before, but let me reiterate: I would rather endure an uncomfortable medical exam in a public place than experience pregnancy again. It’s just not for me.
5. I Fear I’d Play Favorites
I genuinely believe I would struggle with favoritism or resentment toward a new baby. While others assure me it’s not true, they don’t know my life. We adopted a dog a few years back, and I still sometimes resent him for being a needy little creature. A baby would be like a dog on steroids—too much to handle for me!
6. My Kid Is Thriving as an Only Child
While I don’t really think my daughter is terrible, she seems quite content being an only child. When her friend comes over, she often retreats to her room to write poetry about feeling alone. When people ask her if she wants a sibling, she gives them a side-eye that says it all. I understand the chaos that comes with siblings, but I know how challenging it would be for both of us to adjust to a newborn in the house.
7. No Need for a Legacy
When someone once asked me if I was disappointed that I didn’t have a son to carry on the family name, I was taken aback. My daughter carries my genes, and it’s not like family names are going extinct anytime soon. If she chooses to take a different last name in the future, so be it!
8. I Just Don’t Want To
I genuinely love the idea of big families, but this is what works for me and my daughter. I grew up in a bustling household with lots of siblings, so I get the value of chaos and camaraderie. But I believe family dynamics can take many forms—whether it’s one parent, two parents, or just one child.
Besides, if I were to have another kid, I’d be bombarded with questions about when I’m having a third before the new arrival is even out of diapers!
In summary, my decision to not have another child is based on a combination of personal priorities, financial considerations, and a desire for a peaceful family dynamic. I respect others’ choices but firmly believe that a family can be beautiful in its own unique way.