The moment I realized my child was the one who can be tough to appreciate marked a significant shift in my journey as a parent. It was the day I began to feel a pang of embarrassment over my daughter’s behavior. I questioned whether there was something off about her—or perhaps something about me, as her mother, responsible for nurturing her into a kind individual.
It was an ordinary day, and we were hosting a playdate with familiar friends. My 5-year-old daughter and her 4-year-old friend were dashing around the living room, engaged in a game of tag. When my daughter, being “it,” couldn’t catch her friend, she crumpled to the floor, pouting and almost in tears, exclaiming, “You have to slow down! I won’t play if you don’t!” I glanced at her with that familiar sigh, and then at her friend, who was typically cheerful and agreeable. At that moment, it hit me: my child is not the easiest to like.
This wasn’t just a one-off incident. Such outbursts are frequent. Whether she’s with her siblings, friends, or even in public, my daughter often takes charge. She’s the one who makes a scene in stores, throwing tantrums over items I won’t buy her (like a gymnastics leotard, which we don’t even use!). She is quick to cry, yell, and throw fits that I once thought only toddlers could muster. Disrespectful and moody, she struggles to share and is overly possessive about toys. She’s insistent on doing things her way and becomes impossible when things don’t go as she wishes. She can be manipulative and tends to focus solely on herself, expressing her opinions and feelings bluntly. If she dislikes something or someone, you will definitely hear about it.
Labels aren’t my style, but let’s be honest: my daughter is spirited, strong-willed, and, yes, a bit of a brat. Every time we venture outside our home, I feel like we’re stepping into a minefield where I can’t predict how things will unfold or what might trigger her next episode.
This is particularly challenging for a mother like me, who has a tendency to seek approval. I strive to be kind, generous, and thoughtful. I want to make others happy and be easy to be around. It frustrates me that my child doesn’t share this same desire. People told me it would get easier as she moved past toddlerhood, but for us, that hasn’t been the case. Now, she just screams louder and uses more sophisticated words.
From the moment she was born, she has had this intense personality, and I don’t see that changing anytime soon. When I observe her alongside her peers, it becomes clear that my independent, determined diva stands out as the quintessential difficult child. I want to embrace her uniqueness and love her for who she is. I don’t wish to compare her to others, yet deep down, I sometimes wish she possessed a bit of the sweetness and charm that I see in other children.
To those who encounter my darling, spirited child, I completely understand if you find it hard to like her. Honestly, there are days when I struggle with it myself. I love her deeply because I’ve seen her at her best. I appreciate her potential and strengths—like how she tries to make her baby brother laugh, gently pets our dog, or walks confidently into a room full of strangers. I hear her sweet whispers to her little sister or her polite introductions to new friends, moments that make my heart swell. I receive countless hugs, kisses, and handmade treasures, reminding me of the wonderful child she can be.
However, you might only spend a short time with her. If you’re fortunate, you may witness her warmth and charm. But if not, you might find yourself dealing with her biting comments and demands for toys that others are playing with, while wishing you were anywhere else. I’m truly sorry. I’m doing my best, and I hope she is too. On particularly good days, I even see her hold back words she knows I’d prefer she didn’t say, which gives me a sliver of hope that she might evolve into a person of character and integrity.
Perhaps, one day, the thought of a playdate won’t fill me with dread. Until then, I encourage you to teach your children to stand up to her—to assert themselves and go after what they want. I wouldn’t mind if they gave her a gentle nudge, either. My daughter needs friends, and I fear she might not have any if she continues on this path. A little peer pressure might do her some good.
A mother can always hope.
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Summary
This piece reflects on the challenges of parenting a strong-willed child who can be difficult to appreciate. The author shares personal experiences, acknowledging the complexities of loving and accepting a spirited daughter while navigating social interactions. It highlights the hope for growth and the importance of teaching children to stand their ground.