In my early twenties, I had a friend named Sarah who was as vibrant as they come. She had a knack for finding the best late-night eats and knew all the coolest underground bands. One night at a bar, we watched a charming guy stroll by, but instead of stopping to chat with Sarah, he approached a conventionally attractive woman—blonde hair and a striking outfit. As they laughed together, Sarah launched into a harsh critique of the woman’s appearance and supposed intelligence. I was taken aback. What made this woman so different from us?
“Why are you upset with her?” I asked. “Shouldn’t your frustration be directed at the guy for not noticing you?”
My words fell flat. Sarah continued her tirade, and this wasn’t an isolated incident. I recall another friend, Emily, who was preparing to graduate with her MBA. After a job interview, she overheard a classmate mocking her outfit, saying she’d never land a position looking like that. It was disheartening to witness women tearing each other down instead of lifting one another up.
Fast forward to today, many of us are now navigating the complexities of motherhood. The same judgmental attitudes have resurfaced, but instead of vying for a guy’s attention, we find ourselves caught in the “mommy wars.” Decisions about working versus staying home, breastfeeding versus formula, and parenting styles have become the new battlegrounds.
Not every mother engages in this kind of rivalry, just as not every young woman was a backstabber in her twenties. However, the societal pressure and negativity surrounding motherhood have reached a tipping point. To foster a supportive environment among mothers, we must start early—with our daughters.
Let’s encourage them to cherish their friendships, whether they’re toddlers sharing crayons or tweens giggling during sleepovers. We should correct any hurtful language they use about other girls and inspire them to cheer for friends during sports events. Moreover, we need to be mindful of our own actions. Children are observant; they notice when we criticize another woman or roll our eyes at a struggling mother in public. They hear our complaints about female leaders.
We can break the cycle of “mean girls” by teaching our daughters to see other girls as allies rather than rivals. With the right guidance, they may grow into women who support other mothers, turning the “mommy wars” into a relic of the past—a topic they read about in old blogs or sociology classes, much like flip phones or MySpace.
And as for the woman who sparked my friend’s jealousy at the bar? She’s likely a mom too, dealing with her own struggles, perhaps hiding in a bathroom with a pint of ice cream when her child throws a tantrum. I genuinely wish her all the best.
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Summary:
Women often fall into competitive behaviors, whether in their twenties or as mothers. Instead of tearing each other down, we can foster a supportive environment by teaching our daughters to value friendships and embrace collaboration. By changing our attitudes now, we can help create a future where women uplift one another rather than engage in rivalry.