In many respects, my 4-year-old son is just like any other child: he loves to run around, play, and engage in a good tickle fight. He enjoys dancing to music, playing games on my phone, and listening to bedtime stories. However, his autism makes his experiences quite different from those of his peers. The fact that my child does not speak poses significant challenges, especially when it comes to how others perceive him. Many believe that if he can’t talk, he must be unengaged or less valuable, which couldn’t be further from the truth. Here are five things I wish people would recognize about my son:
- He may not speak, but he hears everything. Just because my son doesn’t use words doesn’t imply he can’t understand you. There are two categories of language skills: expressive and receptive. After having his hearing checked, we learned that his receptive language abilities are at least normal in one ear. I sometimes forget this, but I suspect that when he finally does start talking, the first words out of his mouth will likely be the ones he picked up from me during car rides. Please, don’t talk about him as if he’s invisible or use baby talk. Speak to him like you would to any other child. He can sense when he’s underestimated, and trust me, he has a plan for that.
- He has a fantastic sense of humor. My son has a knack for being a little rascal. It’s impressive how well he grasps sarcasm for a 4-year-old. If I compliment someone, he’ll often laugh and shake his head. His favorite joke involves pointing to the wrong item when his therapist asks him to touch something specific. He also has a habit of lounging back in speech therapy, gazing at the clock, and either knowing when his session is up or just enjoying a good distraction. Once, he pretended to go for a high-five with his speech pathologist but ended up running his hand through his hair instead. It was a hit! During an evaluation at a well-known autism clinic, he cleverly started a puzzle when the doctor looked away, then promptly ignored it when she turned back around.
- He’s not a savant. I appreciate that you might have seen the movie “Rain Man,” but it’s important to remember that autism doesn’t always come with extraordinary skills. He won’t be counting toothpicks or composing music on his toy piano. His differences in brain wiring do not grant him magical abilities, and even if he had them, I wouldn’t want to showcase them like a circus act.
- He can read people like a pro. My son has a talent for understanding social cues. He knows how to charm those around him, often figuring out the easiest way to get what he wants. Whether it’s teachers, therapists, or family, he has a way of playing them like a skilled magician. His cuteness is hard to resist, but just to clarify, I don’t spend my day holding him. He’s a lively 45-pound, 4-foot bundle of energy—good luck trying to hold onto that all day!
- He is much more than his disability. To the untrained eye, he might seem like a child lost in thought or flapping his hands. However, he is a vibrant little boy who struggles to communicate. Please don’t underestimate him; every person deserves respect, and you’d miss out on getting to know an amazing kid.
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In summary, my nonverbal son is a lively, intelligent child with a rich inner world and a sense of humor that shines through, no matter the challenges he faces. By recognizing his abilities and treating him with respect, you’ll find a wonderful little boy waiting to be discovered.