Twelve years ago, when our eldest child was just a toddler, we invited a childless couple over for dinner. As we chatted in the living room, our delightful almost-three-year-old strolled up, leaned against my chair, and casually dropped a verbal bombshell. With a nonchalant tone that suggested she was merely offering me a cookie, she asked, “Wanna nurse?”
I watched our friends’ eyes widen, and I couldn’t help but burst into laughter. “No, thanks. Maybe later,” I replied, relieved that she was satisfied with that response and skipped off contentedly. “Did she just say what I think she said?” our friend asked, clearly taken aback.
Yes, she did. All three of our children nursed until shortly after their third birthdays. While it was unusual for our daughter to ask at that age—we had mostly limited nursing to bedtime and mornings—this moment was part of our gradual weaning process. Our friends laughed along, but I could tell that a walking, talking child asking to nurse might be a shock if you weren’t accustomed to it.
Common Misconceptions
When discussing extended breastfeeding, I often hear a range of judgments. So, to clarify, here are ten things that are NOT the reasons we nursed through toddlerhood:
- To create discomfort for others.
- To make a bold statement.
- Because I have an unhealthy attachment to breastfeeding.
- Out of insecurity or a need for attention.
- To ensure my children are dependent on me.
- To feel superior as a mother.
- Because I can’t say no.
- To avoid the reality of my children growing up.
- Because I was too lazy to prepare proper meals.
- To earn some sort of trophy.
These common misconceptions don’t apply to my experience (well, number 8 might be true, but it has nothing to do with breastfeeding).
Genuine Reasons for Extended Nursing
Now, let me share ten genuine reasons why we chose to nurse through toddlerhood:
- Comfort: Nursing was a key source of comfort for our toddlers, just as it had been since birth. Some kids rely on pacifiers or blankets, while ours found solace in nursing. I believe this contributed to our relatively tantrum-free experiences, as toddlers explore their independence while still needing connection.
- Nutrition: Contrary to popular belief, breastmilk retains its nutritional value indefinitely. As children grow, they obviously need a varied diet, but breastmilk continues to provide essential proteins, fats, and vitamins. There’s no need to switch to cow’s milk at one year if both mom and baby are happy to continue breastfeeding.
- Cost-Effective: Breastmilk is free. I saw no reason to purchase cow’s milk or any alternatives when I had a plentiful source of nutrition readily available.
- Convenience: If my nursing toddler asked for milk, I didn’t even have to get off the couch! It’s incredibly convenient to have a source of nutrition without the hassle of carrying around sippy cups everywhere.
- Research-Backed: My background includes a wealth of knowledge on breastfeeding, thanks to my mother’s work as a lactation consultant. Extensive research supports extended breastfeeding, with no evidence suggesting it causes harm. Anthropologist Katherine Dettwyler estimates that the natural weaning age for humans is between 2.5 and 7 years, which you can explore further in her fascinating work.
- Respect for Their Needs: Our children were eager to continue breastfeeding, and I didn’t feel it was right to abruptly end that experience for them. We gradually weaned at their pace, respecting their attachment and making the transition smoother.
- Calmness: Nursing provided a peaceful moment amid the whirlwind of toddlerhood. This calmness likely contributed to fewer tantrums; while there were occasional outbursts, they were quite minimal.
- Body Image: Admittedly, this is a more superficial reason, but I found that breastfeeding helped me maintain my physique. I lost the baby weight quickly and enjoyed a boost in my figure, which was a nice bonus.
- Personal Experience: I was breastfed until I was 2.5, and my husband until around age 4. We both turned out fine, without any peculiar obsessions relating to breastfeeding. I’ve encountered many kids who nursed into toddlerhood, and they’re perfectly normal individuals.
- Confidence: Despite the stigma surrounding extended breastfeeding, I felt secure in my choice. I had seen many mothers successfully nurse their toddlers, and I was confident that it didn’t lead to negative outcomes.
If you met my children today, you wouldn’t guess they nursed until they were three—they have no recollection of it. While some kids remember nursing, and that’s perfectly fine, our cultural discomfort with extended breastfeeding is largely societal.
I completely understand that not everyone wishes to nurse for that long, and I would never pressure anyone into it. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends at least one year, while the World Health Organization suggests two years, or longer if mom and baby both feel comfortable continuing.
However, these are guidelines, not strict rules. Some women may be unable to breastfeed, and that’s perfectly alright. Others may have personal reasons for choosing not to nurse, and that’s valid as well. It’s also okay to nurse a child who can ask for milk, or even one who eats solid foods. Weaning can be a gradual process, and it’s perfectly acceptable to take your time.
Motherhood presents enough challenges without adding pressure or judgment regarding our choices. I hope sharing my reasons for breastfeeding beyond the norm helps demystify the topic for those who find it unusual. If you have any questions, feel free to ask—I’m more than happy to help, trophy or not!
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Summary
Breastfeeding beyond toddlerhood worked for us for numerous reasons—comfort, nutrition, cost-effectiveness, and personal choice among them. While societal norms may challenge this decision, understanding the positive aspects of extended nursing can help alleviate discomfort and pressure surrounding it.