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What About Me?
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What About Me?
Updated: July 29, 2016
Originally Published: Oct. 31, 2015
“I love you!” I call out as I shut the door behind my teenage daughter, Lily.
“I love you too!” she replies, almost offhandedly, as she hops into the car waiting outside. I watch her drive away, a mix of emotions swirling inside me. I know I should turn away from the window, but I can’t help the urge to linger there, much like a pet left at home alone. The house is quiet again.
Just a year ago, this silence would have felt like a rare treat. I would settle onto the couch with a good book and a steaming cup of coffee, savoring the tranquility. But now, with my daughter firmly in her teenage years, she craves independence and no longer relies on me as she once did. My attempts to offer guidance are often met with the classic eye-rolls perfected by teenagers.
It’s a strange feeling. I dedicated so much time and energy to parenting, and when my peers finally started families, we dove into parenthood wholeheartedly, approaching it as if it were a competitive sport. We were the ones who hovered, intervened, and celebrated every milestone of our children, intertwining our identities with theirs in ways that would have baffled earlier generations. And now? It feels like that chapter is closing.
“What about me?” I silently wonder each time Lily leaves, but I hold back the urge to voice it. Deep down, I know that life will not revert to what I wish was “normal.” Instead, I need to heed the advice of teenagers everywhere: it’s time for me to carve out my own life.
I began exploring what other women experience as their children grow up and move out. Much of what I discovered revolved around embracing quieter, more introspective lives, often discussing themes of weight gain and the challenges of menopause. I acknowledge the bittersweet nature of an empty nest, and I do feel the sadness and anxiety that comes with it.
Yet, my feelings are layered: a mix of restlessness and bubbling excitement at the prospect of this newfound freedom. I’m eager to embark on new adventures—like finally trying SCUBA diving, an activity I’ve always dreamed of! I look forward to the possibility of traveling during the fall and winter without worrying about school schedules, and I can’t wait for leisurely dinners with my husband without constantly checking the time for Lily’s next commitment. After years of focusing on family, I’m ready to explore what lies beyond.
While it’s undeniably sad when our kids leave home, many of us from my generation are still vibrant and youthful. Once the initial shock of an empty house subsides, I believe we’ll emerge as a positive force, ready to embrace life’s adventures. We shouldn’t resign ourselves to merely reminiscing about our pasts or obsessing over our weight. Instead, we have a chance to pursue all those dreams we set aside while raising families—whether it’s climbing mountains, swimming with dolphins, or even making a difference in the world.
I feel transformed from the person I used to be, having learned valuable lessons through the journey of parenthood. This profound experience has softened some of my more abrasive traits and made me less arrogant. I understand myself better now, and I’m more resilient to external pressures than I was in my younger years. Adulthood has fostered a greater sense of independence and courage to face failure, possibly paving the way for a brighter future.
I also recognize that the transition might not be entirely smooth. There’s a chance I could find myself in tears after Lily leaves. No one said that the empty nest is devoid of complexities.
As she spreads her wings, eager to take flight, I hover nearby, anxious about the dangers that lurk beyond my protective embrace, yet knowing she must venture out on her own. My own wings may be weathered and frayed, but on good days, I can still envision soaring into the open world again. “I love you,” I’ll whisper as she takes off. Then, I’ll discover what my old wings are capable of.
For more thoughts on navigating life changes, you can check out our other blog post here. And if you’re interested in the topic of home insemination, see this resource from Make a Mom for great insights. Additionally, for those seeking help with fertility, Hopkins Medicine offers excellent resources.
In summary, while the transition into an empty nest can evoke a complex array of feelings, it also presents a unique opportunity for personal growth and exploration. Embracing this new chapter can lead to exciting adventures and a revitalized sense of purpose.