5 Ways to Allow Our Kids to Experience Failure for Their Benefit

self insemination kit

Parenting

By Jamie Thompson
Updated: Feb. 8, 2021
Originally Published: Jan. 5, 2016

Back in my day, I was known as the “husky” kid, but truthfully, I was just a chubby boy who spent more time indoors than outside. Long before social media and blogs took over, my childhood revolved around the cozy basement of my parents’ suburban house. My prized possessions included a Nintendo console with an NHL ’96 cartridge, a big screen TV permanently tuned to ESPN 2, and an old, sagging chair that was begging for a makeover.

It’s easy for me to critique today’s parenting trends—like the excessive hovering of “helicopter parents” or the pervasive “everyone gets a trophy” mentality. However, I believe these trends hinder today’s kids from learning how to handle both victory and defeat with grace.

I know failure well. I’ve stumbled as a child, a young adult, and as a parent. At the core of it all, our society seems intent on eliminating failure, even going so far as to enforce ties in grade school sports. The overly cautious culture we’ve developed stems from past events, like the infamous coffee spill lawsuits, giving rise to modern parenting’s obsession with “playing it safe.” Sadly, the fear of letting our kids experience setbacks can lead to a lack of resilience.

Here are five practical ways to help your children embrace failure and grow from it:

1. Let Your Kids Own Their Projects
   Taking over your child’s art project, social studies diorama, or science fair experiment is a huge mistake. If you feel the need to relive your childhood through your child’s achievements, it’s time for a reality check. Trust me; everyone can tell when a project is more yours than theirs. Allow them to bring in their imperfect creations, complete with glue smudges and uneven cuts. These failures are vital—they teach kids to strive for improvement and create a genuine sense of accomplishment in the long run. This process is essential for growth, and your interference only stifles it.
2. Allow Homework Mistakes
   How can children learn if their work is constantly polished and corrected by you? Let them tackle homework independently, even if it means making mistakes. This way, teachers can accurately assess what your child understands and where they need help. Allowing them to grapple with their mistakes fosters resilience and encourages them to seek out constructive feedback.
3. Practice Silence During Games
   As tempting as it is to yell from the sidelines, it’s crucial to let coaches do their jobs. By refraining from shouting instructions or criticisms during games, you allow your child to navigate challenges and learn from their experiences. If you have a concern, discuss it privately without making a scene. Support your child from the stands without embarrassing them; your calm demeanor will serve as a positive example.
4. Encourage Risk-taking
   Falls are part of learning—whether it’s from monkey bars or a challenging situation. Kids need to experience the struggle of trying to achieve something difficult. When they fall, help them get back up, brush themselves off, and encourage them to try again when they feel ready. This trial-and-error approach fosters resilience and builds confidence in their abilities.
5. Accept Mistakes as Learning Opportunities
   Imagine growing up without the chance to make minor mistakes. That’s what we risk by overly shielding our kids from failure. They’ll face blunders, like accidentally wasting money on heating or leaving crumbs that invite pests. Our role as parents is to guide them in understanding these moments and to provide constructive feedback. It’s about loving them fiercely while also allowing them to learn and grow from their experiences.

Parenting isn’t simple. It demands a blend of patience and enthusiasm. Shielding children from failure only creates adults who struggle to cope with life’s inevitable challenges. Instead, let’s prepare them to face the world with confidence.

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Summary

Teaching children to embrace failure is crucial for their development. By allowing them to own their projects, make homework errors, learn through sports, take risks, and understand mistakes, we equip them with the resilience they need to navigate life’s challenges. Parenting effectively means fostering independence and growth, not shielding them from every setback.