I find myself spending about a third of my life asleep, another third pondering dinner options, and the final third cheering my kids on at youth sports events—be it soccer, basketball, lacrosse, or football. With all this time spent on the sidelines, deep philosophical thoughts often bubble up, alongside the occasional indulgence in a pack of Sour Patch Kids. After all, when else can an adult enjoy candy without raising eyebrows?
While I genuinely love watching my children compete (or sit on the bench) in their sports, let’s face it: after attending your 1,038th game of the year, it’s tough to stay engaged the entire time. Thus, my thoughts often wander to the following:
- Why are we always parked so far from the field?
- Did I really forget my blanket again? Oh wait, it’s in the car… but the dog threw up on it. Should I even bother? Gross. Only if it gets freezing.
- Why do I always choose the rickety chair? I’ll probably be stuck here until everyone else leaves. Is my backside touching the ground? Just smile—no one can tell.
- How old are those kids on the other team? They look massive! That one definitely isn’t 10—does he have a mustache? He could probably drive himself here… and swing by for beer. Ha!
- I love this sport.
- Do I have cankles?
- Do I still wear capris? Time for a shopping spree. Wait, that mom looks great in them. She must do pilates or something.
- Is there a bar around here?
- How many minutes has my son played? Three? I should really get an app for tracking that. But then again, I never use apps. Mmm, apps… buffalo chicken dip sounds amazing.
- Was that a rain drop? I hope it was rain.
- Why is that guy yelling? Oh wait, that’s my husband. He’s not a jerk; I’m just exhausted.
- Is that a bee?! I can’t move!
- It’s too chilly for spring.
- I really wish I had that blanket. I need to do laundry. The kitchen table looks like a disaster zone. We should consider moving…
- Is that my son out there? What number is he? Why is that other kid always playing? Oh, right, the coach’s son. He’s not great, but he just scored. Ball hog!
- Wow, I definitely missed a shaving spot…like, my entire left leg.
- Uh-oh, here comes that mom. I can’t remember her name. Just look straight ahead.
- I like her hair. I hate my hair.
- I felt rain for sure.
- What’s for dinner? I dread making it. Do we really need to eat?
- I need to use the bathroom. It’s a trek to the toilets, and they’re always gross. Why are there always spiders? I can hold it; I’m basically stuck in this chair anyway.
- I can’t believe I forgot my fleece again.
- Go blue!
- Am I yelling too loudly? That felt a bit too loud. I sounded like Rosie O’Donnell!
- Is there a bar nearby?
- What’s my son’s number?
- Do I really have to make dinner?
- How many pizzas have we had this week? We can do pizza again. It’s healthier than fried chicken… or crack.
- Did my child just score? Oh no, I missed it. I’ll tell him I saw it. Great job, sweetie! Oops, don’t say “sweetie.” Dude? That works.
- What inning is it? What quarter? What day is it? That didn’t look like a foul. Is that rain? I really hope that was rain.
- Did we really drive two hours to play this team?
- I hate this sport.
- I could go for a bite of that guy’s pretzel. Oops, he’s looking at me. Did I say that out loud?
- What’s the score?
- I like her sunglasses. They make her look like Tina Fey. I’d probably just look like Tina Belcher in them.
- Is that rain?
- That was definitely out of bounds. What’s the score?
- She seems nice. Never mind, she’s a screamer.
- Is this game nearly over? Where did I park? Where’s my other child? Where are you now that I need you? Great, now I have Justin Bieber stuck in my head.
- I could go for some shrimp and linguine. Random thought. With a glass of wine… now we’re talking! Wasn’t “Look Who’s Talking” a movie? Who starred in that? Bruce Willis? Where are you, Bruce?
- Did I even remember to bring my other child?
- Where are you now? Get out of my head, Justin. Do I hear thunder?
- I should take some photos. Ugh, memory full! Delete, delete, delete… oh, that’s cute! Delete, delete. What’s the score?
- Overtime? Oh no, please no.
- I really need to pee. Was that rain?
- Please let that be rain.
In summary, being a sports mom involves a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions—from the joys of watching your kids play to the mundane worries that fill the mind. Juggling meals, chores, and the chaos of the game makes for quite the inner dialogue. So whether you’re behind the bleachers or on the sidelines, you’re never alone in your thoughts.