When my husband, Mark, and I tied the knot, we were still navigating through graduate school. We were in that phase of life I like to call “ramen noodle poor.” For our wedding, we hired a random biker to officiate our ceremony, while a friend held her phone up so my mom could listen in from across the country—she couldn’t afford to fly in. That biker charged us $80, and I remember cringing as I wrote that check for what felt like a ludicrous amount.
During our student years, we braved the harsh Cincinnati winters in our tiny, unheated studio apartment. Despite both working part-time jobs on top of our studies, we couldn’t afford to heat our space. We walked through the snow (uphill both ways, right?) to get to classes and relied on the bus for longer journeys. Our fridge was mostly bare.
We were completely self-sufficient, funding our education with minimal support from our parents.
Now, I have two children of my own—ages 10 and 6. Mark and I have set up college savings accounts for each of them, initiated during my pregnancies, and we contribute to these accounts monthly. The balances fluctuate based on the market, and with some luck, they might cover a year or two at a state university. However, a full four-year education? That’s a different story—especially if they aim for a private college.
Given the financial struggles I faced during my own college years, one might assume I would be inclined to cover the gaps for my kids. But I have different plans. Just as I did, I want my children to navigate their own paths. While many believe it’s a parent’s duty to ensure their kids get into the best schools, I respectfully disagree.
Part of my reasoning is rooted in self-preservation. Mark and I could feasibly pay for our kids’ college—it would just require us to dip into our retirement savings and make sacrifices. But why should we? We want to enjoy our golden years without the burden of paying for an education that our kids may or may not utilize. I know firsthand what it takes to retire comfortably, having once worked for a financial advisor. Moreover, if we cover their entire college expenses, we risk becoming financially dependent on them in our old age—right when they might be facing their own financial responsibilities, like paying for their kids’ education. Honestly, I’d prefer they deal with student loans rather than nursing home bills.
The more pressing matter, however, is my desire for my children to cultivate independence. I want them to hustle for the education they aspire to achieve. I want them to seek out scholarships, research funding opportunities, apply for loans, and work hard—whether that means starting at a community college or transferring to a four-year institution later. Whatever it takes.
I majored in music performance and funded my education primarily through scholarships, along with a small amount of loans. Yes, I was a bit misguided in my choice of major, as music is quite niche, but the funds were available, and I seized them. Now I hold a master’s degree and work as a freelance writer and social media manager—careers I genuinely enjoy, despite the fact that no degree could have fully prepared me for them. The most valuable lessons came from financing my own education, outside of the classroom.
I cherish the resilience I built while living on a tight budget during college. I take pride in knowing how to stretch a dollar and live frugally. I want my children to experience that same sense of self-sufficiency, even if it requires them to face some challenges along the way.
If a little struggle helps my kids develop fortitude, resourcefulness, and independence—alongside mastering their algebra II and microeconomics—then I’ll consider it money well (not) spent.
For more insights on parenting and self-sufficiency, check out our post on home insemination. Also, if you’re exploring options for starting your family, Cryobaby’s at-home insemination kit is a great resource. For further information on pregnancy and home insemination, visit NHS’s resource on IVF.
Summary
The author reflects on her own college experiences and explains why she believes her children should be responsible for their own education costs. While she and her husband could afford to help, she prioritizes their retirement and wants her kids to learn independence through hard work and resourcefulness.