Navigating conversations about autism can be challenging, especially when you encounter a parent who shares that their child is on the spectrum. Often, people aren’t quite sure how to respond and may inadvertently say things that can feel dismissive or hurtful. It’s understandable; many are simply trying to find the right words. To help you steer clear of potentially awkward or insensitive comments, here are twelve things you might want to avoid saying when talking to a parent of a child with autism.
- “He seems so…typical!”
While we appreciate the compliment, the term “typical” can be confusing. Every child is unique, and we think our child is absolutely wonderful, just as they are. - “Are you certain he has autism?”
Yes, we are sure. After consulting numerous specialists, we have a clear understanding of our child’s diagnosis. Autism can manifest in various ways, and it’s not always visible in traditional behaviors. - “What do you think caused his autism?”
We often find ourselves pondering this question, reflecting on our choices during pregnancy and beyond. Ultimately, we’ve realized that focusing on the cause isn’t as important as how we can support our child moving forward. - “What special talents does he have?”
Having autism doesn’t mean our child is a performer with extraordinary abilities. This kind of question can inadvertently highlight differences and make us feel as if we must justify our child’s worth. - “Maybe just a bit more discipline would help.”
This misconception is harmful. Autism is not a result of inadequate parenting. What you might interpret as a tantrum could actually be a sensory overload, leaving us feeling helpless. - “I’ve tried talking to him, but he doesn’t respond. Has anyone checked his hearing?”
We assure you, his hearing has been evaluated. He perceives his surroundings in his own way, and just because he may not respond verbally doesn’t mean he isn’t listening or trying to connect. - “Perhaps he just enjoys being alone.”
While he may appear to prefer solitude, it’s often due to the overwhelming nature of social interaction. It’s painful to see him isolated, especially when it’s assumed he enjoys being alone. - “He’s not that difficult.”
Our child is not “bad” or “broken.” Autism simply means he experiences the world differently, and that difference deserves respect. - “He’ll eat when he’s hungry.”
This is not a reliable approach. Many children with autism have specific sensory preferences that dictate their eating habits, and it can be distressing to see them struggle. - “You’re so brave!”
While I appreciate the sentiment, I’m just a parent doing my best. The real heroes are our children, who navigate their world with strength. - “I’m sorry to hear that.”
Most days, I’m not sorry. My child has brought immense joy into my life, and I wouldn’t change that. - “Will he always be like this?”
Yes, he will always have autism, and it will shape his experiences. But that doesn’t mean he won’t continue to grow, love, and find joy in life.
Understanding autism and how to interact with families affected by it doesn’t have to be daunting. Educating yourself is a great first step, and you can find valuable insights on topics like home insemination at this link or learn more from experts at Make a Mom. For further resources, check out Kindbody, which offers excellent information on pregnancy and family planning.
Summary
Engaging with parents of children with autism can be tricky, but avoiding certain phrases can make a positive impact. Instead of questioning or minimizing their experiences, it’s better to listen and support them in meaningful ways.