For years, I’ve heard that the best way to get kids involved in extracurricular activities is to observe their interests and encourage them. So, when our daughter, Lily, began dancing around the house at the age of five, we thought ballet would be perfect for her. She twirled in the living room, leapt onto her bed, and even danced with me during our kitchen jam sessions. Despite my lack of dance skills, we found our rhythm together.
These days, parenting often revolves around extracurriculars. Back in my childhood, my parents simply sent me outside with a stick, declaring it a horse, and I spent hours riding it through the yard. Now, though, there’s immense pressure to enroll kids in various activities, hoping they’ll learn dedication and resilience.
My son, Jacob, is currently into soccer, but before that, he enjoyed basketball and gymnastics. He thrives on these activities, and each weekend, we shuttle him from one event to another, all while I try to muster excitement about his pursuits. In contrast, Lily’s experience turned out to be quite different.
After some research, my partner and I found a dance studio that offered a variety of styles. We showed Lily videos of tap, jazz, and ballet, and she was captivated by the idea of ballet. We got her a delightful ballet outfit complete with tights and shoes, styled her hair into a perfect bun, and even bought a t-shirt that read, “I Love To Dance!”
Arriving at her first lesson, I felt optimistic about her new adventure. I had no aspirations for her to be a prima ballerina—having attended a high school production of The Nutcracker left me puzzled about the appeal. But I wanted her to excel at something, to showcase her uniqueness to the world.
Unfortunately, my dreams of her dancing stardom faded quickly. A few lessons in, she started complaining about the teacher’s instructions and insisted, “I know how to dance!” Initially excited to attend, it soon became a battle of bribery and negotiations just to get her into her pink tights. As she stood on the dance floor, glaring at me, I began to wonder if I had overstepped.
It took me time to realize that Lily simply wanted to dance at home, without the pressure of formal lessons. I became increasingly frustrated, feeling that something was amiss. As she shot me disapproving looks during class, I would silently urge her to “Have. Fun.” as if I could command enjoyment. Deep down, I worried that her disinterest was a sign of something wrong, especially when Jacob seemed to relish every activity we introduced him to.
The societal pressure for kids to participate in extracurriculars can lead to unnecessary stress. When a child isn’t interested, it’s easy for parents to feel like there’s a problem. Some might push harder, hoping to instill enthusiasm. You can spot these parents on the sidelines, urging their children to adopt a fierce demeanor or pleading with them to enjoy the experience.
The truth is, there’s nothing wrong with a child who isn’t interested in a specific activity. I recall one particularly grueling dance recital. While Lily looked adorable, her body language screamed discomfort, and I could sense her impatience as we awaited the conclusion of the performance.
Eventually, after a long day of dancing and waiting, my wife asked, “Did you have fun?” to which Lily replied, “No.” When I inquired if she wanted to continue dancing, her simple “No” was all it took to realize we had misread her enthusiasm.
In the end, it became clear that Lily preferred playing at home and dancing freely, uninhibited by an audience. The transition from our living room to a formal studio made dancing feel like a chore. I don’t blame the instructor, nor do I blame myself or Lily for the lack of interest. Sometimes, kids just aren’t into what we think they should be.
Lily figured this out much sooner than I did, and that was a lesson in itself.
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