When I first envisioned my family, I always pictured having two kids who were just a couple of years apart. I thought it would be perfect for them to grow up as best friends. However, after the arrival of my first son, life took a different turn, and the dream of having a second child close in age became a distant thought.
Fast forward a few years, and my wife and I welcomed our second child in January, nearly five and a half years after our first. While this wasn’t the plan, it turned out to be a blessing in disguise. As I adjusted to life with a new baby and a five-year-old, my perspective on the age gap shifted.
Typically, parents consider how their children will relate to each other as they grow up. We all hope for those sibling bonds filled with laughter, companionship, and maybe a few squabbles. A built-in playmate is an incredible gift, even if it comes with the usual sibling bickering. But with a larger age gap, the dynamics change significantly.
With a five-year spread, it will take time before my youngest can truly engage and play with his older brother. By the time he’s ready to hang out, his brother may be more interested in dating than playing. Sure, they’ll be forced to interact at home, but their different stages of life could mean they won’t always find common ground.
I do imagine my youngest idolizing his big brother, and I hope my older son will look out for him. However, I can’t help but picture the social gulf when one is navigating high school while the other is still in elementary. They might not forge a true friendship until their 20s, once schooling and life’s structure fade into the background.
Yet, right now, having a five-year age gap feels like a dream. I can hardly believe I once wanted kids just a couple of years apart. Just picturing the chaos of a toddler and a baby, or two toddlers, makes me shudder. The thought of managing a hyperactive kid alongside a newborn? Utterly daunting!
Currently, my five-year-old is independent enough that he doesn’t need constant supervision, which allows us to focus on the baby. He understands when we tell him the baby is sleeping and he can even entertain himself for a bit. Plus, he’s old enough not to worry about sharing his toys or the baby getting into his things. Sometimes, he even lends a helping hand.
I don’t have to juggle diapers for two or figure out daycare for two little ones. While I can’t leave my oldest in charge just yet, we can reuse his crib, which is a win in my book.
There’s no one-size-fits-all answer to family planning, and while this wasn’t what we initially envisioned, it’s working out beautifully for us. We may have wanted our children to be closer in age, but life had other plans—and that’s perfectly okay.
If you’re interested in learning more about family planning and home insemination, check out our other blog posts, like this one on intracervical insemination. You can also find helpful resources on pregnancy and home insemination at Healthline and check out Make a Mom’s at-home insemination kit for more information on getting started.
In summary, while our initial plan was to have children close in age, the larger age gap has proven to be a blessing. It has allowed for a more manageable family dynamic and has given us the chance to appreciate each stage of our children’s lives.