My little boy turns 3 next month, and he still relies on his pacifier, which he affectionately calls his “bink.” I wish I could say I’m completely unfazed by it, but that’s not entirely honest. There’s a part of me that feels a twinge of guilt and concern about his pacifier habit, especially when I think about what other parents might think when they hear him request it.
This guilt stems from societal pressures rather than my own beliefs, which is even more frustrating. Normally, I’m not one to fuss over milestones like when kids start walking or how long they cling to a beloved blanket. I’ve always believed that children develop at their own pace, and they will transition to new stages when they are ready.
For my son, the pacifier serves as a source of comfort. Since infancy, he has faced ongoing ear infections that have caused him discomfort and pain. Despite our numerous visits to specialists, his ear issues continue to linger. As a mother, it’s heartbreaking to see him in distress. When he’s suffering and medication isn’t alleviating the pain, he turns to his bink for solace. I would do anything to ease his suffering, even if it means allowing him to keep this small comfort.
Unlike many kids, he doesn’t have a favorite toy or blanket, so taking away his pacifier feels unjust. I know I could remove it and face a few challenging nights of tantrums to “break the habit,” but what would that accomplish? Does it matter if I take it away now or if he decides to part with it when he feels ready?
I like to think critically about situations like this, weighing the pros and cons. According to the American Dental Association, as long as a child stops using a pacifier by age 4, there are no significant risks to their dental health or overall development. Emotionally, I can’t see how keeping the pacifier would be more harmful than removing it.
I often wonder if I’d have this same level of concern if his comfort item was a scruffy teddy bear. Probably not. My guilt is largely influenced by societal expectations rather than any concrete issue. The reality is that while it might not fit everyone’s definition of normal, it’s not causing any harm. Allowing him to have this comfort measure isn’t detrimental to his growth.
There’s a lot of development that will take place between now and his fourth birthday, and I’m confident he will phase out his bink on his own before then. If he doesn’t, we’ll address it when the time comes. I know my approach might not be the norm, but it’s just a pacifier, not something harmful. As a mom, I believe I’m handling this well.
To fellow moms grappling with guilt over similar situations, remember: don’t be too hard on yourself. If you’re concerned about something as minor as a pacifier or a beloved blanket, you’re a wonderful mom. This is trivial in the grand scheme of parenting. Focus your worries on the things that truly matter, and continue doing what feels right for you and your children, regardless of outside opinions.
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In summary, my son’s attachment to his pacifier, or “bink,” is a source of comfort amid his ongoing health struggles. I’ve come to terms with this aspect of his development, recognizing that each child progresses at their own pace, and allowing him to hold onto this comfort isn’t harming his growth.