Parenting Insights: To Our Little Ones, Minor Issues Are Major Concerns
by Jessica Lynne
Oct. 4, 2023
My kindergartener, Jamie, bounded off the bus one afternoon, practically bouncing with enthusiasm. I could sense he had something monumental to share, so I rushed to the door, eagerly awaiting his big news. But instead of a cheerful “Hi, Mom!” he immediately exclaimed, “I want Macaroni and Cheese!”
Macaroni and Cheese? Seriously? “That’s why you came racing home?” I chuckled.
He was dead serious. “Yes,” he responded earnestly. “I’ve been thinking about it since lunch. I was thinking about it the whole bus ride home. Please, Mom, I really want some Mac and Cheese!”
Regrettably, I had to inform him that dinner was already cooking on the stove. We were eating early that night due to an earlier Scout meeting, and if I gave him Mac and Cheese, there was no way he would touch the healthier meal I had prepared. I suggested a smaller snack, like a granola bar, but he wasn’t having it. You’d think I told him he could never eat again, judging by his reaction. His facial expression crumbled, and he collapsed on the floor, backpack still on, wailing, “I hate it here!”
Oh, the theatrics!
As I watched him sob dramatically, I found myself amazed at how something so seemingly trivial could throw him into such despair (and yes, I may have rolled my eyes a bit). He was probably exhausted after a long day at school, and we all know that a tired child is prone to meltdowns over the smallest of things. But after my eyes returned to their normal position, I began to ponder: In the grand scheme of life, most kids haven’t faced much real adversity, so for them, even minor issues can feel monumental.
Consider it from our adult perspectives. We usually know what’s worth stressing over, but that wisdom comes with experience. By the time we grow up, we’ve navigated life-altering situations and crises. Yet, no matter how tough things have been for us, there’s always someone who’s faced infinitely worse challenges.
For instance, my nephew battled a rare kidney disease that could have led to severe complications, and I was terrified while we waited for answers. But my sister faced an even graver situation—her daughter was diagnosed with cancer at the tender age of two. I can’t imagine the fear she experienced. However, just because someone else has faced more significant struggles doesn’t make my feelings less valid; that was, in my parenting journey, the most challenging moment I encountered.
When we find ourselves in tough situations, we need empathy and support, not someone downplaying our struggles. If someone is going through a divorce, you wouldn’t say, “This is nothing! Just wait until your ex tries to drain your bank account!” Instead, you provide compassion because, for them, this is their worst experience.
This principle applies universally. If something upsets someone, it’s valid, even if it appears minor from our unique viewpoint.
Now, when it comes to our children, who haven’t faced much in the way of hardship, the little things are genuinely substantial in their small worlds. Reflecting on this gives me a twinge of mom guilt for all the times I may have unintentionally dismissed their concerns—things that seemed trivial to me. Who am I to judge whether their feelings are legitimate? What happens if my kids stop confiding in me when the real issues arise because I didn’t take their smaller concerns seriously?
While I didn’t indulge the request for Macaroni and Cheese (because, dinner), I also refrained from laughing at his meltdown over my refusal. My child has been fortunate enough to be shielded from significant adversity, so, in his limited view, this was genuinely distressing. It wouldn’t help to remind him that “some kids never even get Mac and Cheese” or discuss the many children who are starving worldwide. I didn’t begrudge him his feelings; instead, I embraced him again and acknowledged his upset, even if it was just about canned pasta.
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In summary, kids view the world through a different lens, and what seems trivial to us can be monumental to them. By acknowledging their feelings and offering support, we can help them navigate their little crises without dismissing their emotional experiences.