You Don’t Need to Overpraise a Man for Simply Being a Dad

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“I was so exhausted last night, I went to bed and woke up in the same position. I didn’t even budge an inch,” my partner told me on the phone while I was exploring a quirky boutique with my friends during a weekend getaway.

“Wow, sounds like you had a long day. What did you do?” I asked, intrigued.

“I took the kids out for a bike ride but got so hungry that we ended up eating out instead.”

“Oh, that sounds great!” Up until that point, I was only half-listening, distracted by a particularly cute pair of shoes. But his last comment piqued my interest. He had taken our three little ones, aged 3, 5, and 6, out to eat by himself—something he had never done before.

“How did that go?” I was secretly excited, almost wanting to grab some popcorn and listen to his account of this monumental task. I wasn’t doubting his capabilities; rather, I was eager for him to experience the challenges of managing three kids in public. Perhaps then he’d understand why I sometimes felt overwhelmed when he wanted to go out with friends or take a weekend trip. While I believe we both need time away for our mental health, he had never really faced solo parenting for an extended period.

“It was crowded, but there were so many kind women around. Our waitress brought crackers right away and helped with the kids while I took Emily to the restroom.”

He kept sharing (and sharing) how many compliments he received about our children, how the restaurant expedited their meals, and how one woman even handed him a coupon for 15% off his bill. By the end of it, I was surprised his head fit through the door on the way out. I half-expected him to tell me he received a standing ovation for his efforts.

While I was happy they had a good time and my kids behaved, I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of resentment toward those women. I understood they meant well; they probably had their own kids and recognized how chaotic dining with toddlers can be. But their actions implied that my partner was incapable of handling things alone, suggesting that because he was a dad, he deserved extra praise and special treatment. In reality, he was merely doing what fathers should do—spending quality time with his children on a Saturday afternoon.

What disappointed me wasn’t the lack of attention I received on my own outings with the kids (I’ve never been handed a coupon or complimented like that), but rather the glaring double standard we still face. Society often overlooks the challenges moms encounter, yet we are quick to applaud men who are simply doing their jobs as parents. Our children are observing this dynamic and may start believing that men require help in parenting, while women do not. Even though my kids were young, they noticed the extra assistance their dad received and began asking why so many people helped him that day.

I get it; there’s something charming about seeing a dad out with his kids—maybe even a bit attractive—but he doesn’t need the spotlight. We shouldn’t be astonished by it. Like moms, dads are fully capable of caring for their children. We don’t need to undermine their parenting skills by offering help in ways we wouldn’t extend to a woman. We all know a mother can manage her kids in public with remarkable skill, and guess what? So can a father. From where I stand, they do a fantastic job, and it’s high time we recognize that.

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In summary, it’s important to acknowledge that fathers don’t need unnecessary praise for being present in their children’s lives. While we should appreciate their efforts, we must also strive to eliminate the outdated notions of gender roles in parenting. Both dads and moms are fully capable of managing their kids in various settings, and we should all be treated equally in this journey.