About four months ago, I reached a breaking point at work and had to go home. I’m part of a university athletics program, where I manage summer bridge initiatives for new student-athletes. These programs are designed to ease the transition from high school to college life and demand constant attention and energy. Once the last program wrapped up, I was immediately thrust into preparations for the fall term, and somewhere in that hectic transition, I just couldn’t cope anymore.
I remember walking into my supervisor’s office and admitting that I could no longer handle the pressure. I’ve always been the go-to person who takes on every task, believing that hard work was the answer to any challenge. This approach had worked for me in the past, but in that moment, I realized I had crossed an emotional threshold I didn’t know existed.
My supervisor, a compassionate woman, told me to take the rest of the day off. It wasn’t a reprimand; it was clear she cared about my well-being. When my partner, Sarah, returned home, she found me curled up in bed. With three kids at home, I am the primary breadwinner, while Sarah works part-time at our children’s school. I won’t claim my stress is greater than hers—mothers are truly remarkable. I’m constantly amazed by how much she achieves daily, and I always try to give her a break when I can.
However, when Sarah walked in, I felt an overwhelming wave of emotion. I’m not typically one to show vulnerability; I didn’t even cry when my father passed away. Yet here I was, feeling a profound sense of failure. I felt anxious and depressed, acutely aware that my family relied on me. The pressure to provide for them, a lesson ingrained in me from childhood, bore down heavily. I knew I had to find the strength to push through, but I honestly didn’t know how.
The stress of being a full-time working father had caught up with me, and the thought of returning to work the next day felt like entering a scorching inferno. Conversely, the idea of letting down my beloved wife and kids felt like a crushing defeat. There I was, a man trapped in a cycle of despair, feeling as though the only way out was through drastic measures.
Sarah asked what was troubling me—if I had lost my job. “No,” I replied. “It’s more complicated than that.” I then asked her to hold me, and she crawled into bed beside me, providing a moment of solace as I gathered my thoughts.
Eventually, I opened up about what had transpired at work—the overwhelming stress and expectations that felt insurmountable. I felt weak and pitiful, questioning why I wasn’t handling things better. As a man and a father, I believed I should be able to juggle work and family responsibilities without faltering. But in that moment, I was uncertain if I could manage either.
We brainstormed contingency plans in case I did lose my job, and I scheduled an appointment with a therapist, which led to ongoing sessions and lifestyle adjustments. I recently discovered that 30.6% of men experience depression at some point in their lives, and the suicide rate among American men is approximately four times higher than that of women, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. While women may attempt suicide more frequently, men are statistically more likely to succeed.
From my own experience, I can attest that the most challenging aspect of living with anxiety and depression is admitting it. Acknowledging the symptoms of stress and anxiety, and how these can intensify due to work and family pressures, can be incredibly difficult. Despite my love for my wife and children, I find that fatherhood and marriage present some of the hardest challenges in life. It’s not that I can’t handle them—because I can—but there will inevitably be moments that are particularly overwhelming. Without appropriate support, these situations can push even the most devoted fathers to their breaking points.
Much of this struggle stems from the stigma surrounding mental health. When combined with societal expectations to “man up,” it only deepens the isolation of those who are already suffering. It’s crucial to prioritize normalizing discussions about mental health in society, particularly to make fathers feel safe in expressing their struggles and emotions. If we had reached that point, I would have felt much more comfortable seeking help from Sarah, my supervisor, or others long before I hit rock bottom.
If you’re interested in exploring more about mental health and fatherhood, check out one of our other blog posts at Home Insemination Kit. It’s important to acknowledge and seek help when needed, and resources like MedlinePlus offer excellent guidance on related topics. Additionally, if you’re considering self insemination, reputable sources like Make a Mom can provide valuable information.
In summary, the pressures of work and family can lead to overwhelming feelings of anxiety and depression for fathers. It’s essential to break the stigma surrounding mental health, encouraging open conversations and supportive environments in which fathers can express their struggles without fear.