When parents approach me to share how their little ones are sleeping through the night, I can’t help but think of the unspoken rule in our community: we simply don’t discuss sleep. I know your intentions are good; you’re celebrating your child’s achievements and perhaps even eager to share tips. But let’s keep this conversation off the table.
Sleep, especially baby sleep, is a hot-button issue with everyone having their own take on it. I remember vividly when a stranger asked about my newborn’s sleep habits while I was still in a daze. I naively responded, “Oh, he wakes up every hour,” completely unaware of the floodgate I had just opened to unsolicited advice.
“Have you tried letting him cry it out?”
“Are you co-sleeping?”
“Make sure you’re not doing that wrong!”
As a mom of three, each with distinct sleep patterns, I’ve learned how to filter out the noise, but as a new mom, every suggestion felt like a potential solution to my sleepless nights. I was utterly drained, feeding every two hours while my baby clung to me, refusing to sleep unless I bounced him on an exercise ball—an exhausting routine I was more than ready to abandon.
I did everything I could: co-sleeping, wearing him during the day, feeding on demand, and trying every soothing technique I could find. But despite my efforts, sleep remained elusive. The only piece of advice I hadn’t yet tried was the one that seemed to echo the loudest: let him cry.
Friends of mine eagerly anticipated the day they could start sleep training their little ones. They’re good parents, and I wanted to be like them, so I talked about it endlessly—to my husband, family, and even the local barista. But when it came time to implement the plan, I faltered. I felt like a failure, drowning in guilt and exhaustion.
Then came the day when I stepped out for lunch with friends, leaving my husband to care for our son. I imagined their afternoon would mirror mine—endless fussing and diaper changes. So you can imagine my shock when I received a text saying, “The baby is asleep in his crib.” I was thrilled, but my joy turned to frustration when I learned my husband had let him cry for twenty minutes.
I felt betrayed. Hadn’t I said we’d do this together? But then I realized something important: my child had survived, and so had my husband. I wished I could say that was the turning point for us, leading to peaceful nights, but it wasn’t. My son continued to wake frequently, and I accepted that sleep training just wasn’t for us.
Parenting is filled with emotional highs and lows. There’s no one right way to do it, and it’s naive to think otherwise. Just as I wouldn’t judge how others feed or diaper their babies, I wish others would refrain from assuming my approach to sleep is flawed.
Now, as my firstborn approaches five, I have two more children. One loves to sleep in his crib, while the other finds comfort snuggled up with us. They wake up for various reasons, just like all kids do. Right now, I’m sitting in a room full of mattresses because my kids wanted a family sleepover, and while I still feel tired, I’ve embraced our unique sleep situation.
So here’s the truth: this is how we navigate sleep as a family, and I love it. Whether or not you agree doesn’t matter; we simply don’t talk about sleep.
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Summary
In the world of parenting, discussing sleep can be a contentious topic. This blog post explores the emotional journey of a mother navigating the challenges of baby sleep and societal expectations. The author emphasizes the importance of individual parenting styles and the need to respect different approaches to sleep, while sharing personal experiences of both frustration and love in her family’s sleep routines.