It’s a sunny afternoon, and I’m gearing up for a water gun playdate at the park. In my anxiety-ridden state, I’ve packed way more than necessary. Along with the usual blanket, chairs, water, and snacks, I’ve added towels—one for each child and an extra for me, just in case they decide to unleash a watery ambush. I’ve included every water gun in the house, from the tiny plastic pistols to those gigantic Super Soaker artillery pieces. Oh, and I can’t forget the minnow trap for some creek exploration. The kids are dressed in carefully selected bathing suits and long-sleeve rash guards to protect against sunburn, while they wear water shoes to avoid stepping on any hidden glass. Naturally, I’ve packed dog food to lure in the minnows. This is what anxiety does to me: I overprepare and overthink.
The impending playdate with unfamiliar moms fills me with dread. I’m also anxious about moms I should know but can’t quite recall, thanks to my terrible facial recognition skills. The thought of mingling with these groups only heightens my nervousness.
Anxiety complicates many aspects of life—dating, family interactions, and especially friendships. For anxious individuals like me, making friends can be one of the scariest challenges. We often feel inherently unlikable, even when we have a decent self-image. There’s a constant fear that everyone is judging us, watching our every move. Every conversation starter must be carefully considered to avoid the risk of judgment.
Sure, we can put on a brave face and pretend all is well. But inside, the nerves are raging. I often worry: Can I keep a conversation going without sounding foolish? Despite being told I articulate well, the echoes of childhood teasing linger in my mind. Anxiety can make me anxious about talking too much, sharing too little, or even discussing topics that might unintentionally offend someone.
What if I casually mention my dislike for a certain political figure only to discover the other mom is a fervent supporter? Hence, I avoid discussing politics, religion, or anything that could lead to a disagreement. This self-censorship drains the energy from potential conversations, leaving me with mundane small talk about origins, children’s ages, and casual weather commentary. I constantly fear forgetting the names and ages of the kids we’re chatting about. It’s incredibly limiting.
I find myself sizing up potential mom friends discreetly—not to judge them, but to gauge if I’ll measure up in their eyes. Having faced enough disappointments in past friendships (seriously, it’s reminiscent of high school), I guard my heart closely. I look for signs of compatibility—less judgmental attitudes are a huge plus. If things seem to click, I allow myself to hope. Perhaps this mom could become a friend, or maybe she’ll wait until I leave to share her thoughts on how odd I am.
That’s the struggle with making mom friends while battling anxiety. Even when connections are formed, doubts creep in. We anxious moms often isolate ourselves, lacking babysitters or friends who come over to lend a hand, because the fear of rejection holds us back. We doubt that anyone would genuinely show up for us, and the thought of being let down can feel heartbreaking.
In essence, making friends is a formidable task when anxiety is involved. Once friendships begin to blossom, the uncertainty of being truly liked hangs over us. We crave reassurance, take our time to trust, and need spontaneous acts of kindness—like an offer to babysit or a nonjudgmental ear during tough times. We hope to reach a level of comfort where we can scold each other’s kids without fear of judgment. If we get to that point, perhaps we can truly relax.
And who knows? Maybe one day, she’ll be the friend who comes over to help tackle the never-ending chore of cleaning the bathrooms—not out of obligation, but simply because we’ve built a genuine friendship.
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Summary:
Anxiety complicates the process of making mom friends, leading to overthinking and self-doubt. While the desire for connection is strong, the fear of judgment often holds anxious individuals back. Building trust and finding genuine friendships takes time, reassurance, and shared experiences.