In the realm of parenting, one fundamental principle stands out: it truly takes a village. Whether it’s a friend stepping in to pick up my kids when I’m caught in traffic, neighbors delivering soup and Gatorade during a family flu outbreak, or a seasoned mother offering reassuring words to a new mom, the support of others can be invaluable. Motherhood can be incredibly challenging, and help is often not just appreciated, but sometimes essential.
However, there are instances when the so-called “help” isn’t helpful at all. In fact, it can be quite disheartening for a mother who is doing her utmost. Yes, I’m addressing you, LISA. You remember my three children and me at the pharmacy last week, right? We were the ones navigating the chaos of your average errand day, which included stops at the dry cleaners, post office, and grocery store—all while trying to manage lunch hour and a lively four-year-old.
As I stood in line, I frequently glanced back to remind my kids to sit quietly, use their indoor voices, and refrain from touching each other. It was a tense 10 minutes, but we managed to get through it. I apologize for any delay we caused; I understand how frustrating that can be. My kids can certainly be energetic, especially after being cooped up in the car, but they were not misbehaving. They were simply behaving like kids, not like wild animals.
So, imagine my shock and, quite frankly, my outrage when I discovered you had taken it upon yourself to discipline my children during that time. You were standing at the back of the line, near where they were seated, while I was occupied at the counter, completely unaware of your unsolicited intervention.
Upon reaching the car, my children informed me that you had shushed them and told my sons to stop touching one another. Did you think I was oblivious to their antics? Did you genuinely believe I needed your assistance? And, most importantly, did I ever request your help? It’s baffling that you felt it was appropriate to parent my children without my permission.
Sure, I appreciate genuine offers of help. When my kids were babies, I welcomed assistance from kind strangers at the grocery store or those who held doors open as I maneuvered a stroller. However, let me make this abundantly clear: you did not bring my children into this world, so it’s best for you to back off, KAREN. Do not instruct my kids to say “please,” “thank you,” “sit,” or “be quiet.”
Instead, perhaps you could consider remaining seated and silent. You don’t know my children, and it is not your role to guide their behavior. If they are not endangering themselves or others, there’s no justification for you to showcase your parenting skills. I’m sure you’re a wonderful mother—your children likely possess some extraordinary talents. Kudos to you!
If you disagree with my parenting style, that’s entirely your choice. But frankly, JEN, I couldn’t care less. You do what works for you, and I will do what works for me. My children are not perfect, and neither am I. But they are inherently kind, helpful, and they love each other deeply, which fills me with immense pride. We’re managing just fine as we navigate life together.
If you genuinely want to help, that’s very kind of you, and I might take you up on it. But please refrain from quietly correcting my children from the back of the line at the pharmacy, far from my hearing. I carried and gave birth to those three babies, and if anyone is going to teach them about proper behavior in public, it will be me. That responsibility belongs exclusively to me, so you can kindly move along.
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Summary
Parenting can be a challenging journey, and while support from others is often beneficial, unsolicited interference can be frustrating. It’s important to respect a parent’s authority over their own children and acknowledge that, unless requested, outside corrections are unwelcome. While we should embrace community support, ultimately, it is the parents who have the responsibility to guide their children’s behavior.