When I envisioned motherhood, I imagined a serene scene: me and my cherubic baby joyfully painting in the backyard, sunlight casting a dreamy glow around us. My child would gaze at me with adoration while I casually flipped through my parenting guide for our next creative endeavor. The perfect picture of idyllic parenting, right?
Record scratch
Freeze frame
Voiceover: “Yeah, that’s not how it went down!”
Instead, I welcomed my son into a world of postpartum anxiety and overwhelming guilt. I scrutinized every choice I made, second-guessed every parenting decision, and felt responsible for every stumble my chubby baby took. I longed to embody the flawless mom I had envisioned, but reality often painted a far more chaotic picture. I had a delightful child, and yet, I was a whirlwind of stress.
Fast forward to April 2012. My son, who we’ll call Benny, was 20 months old and had just received an autism diagnosis—a development that I, of course, felt was my fault. I found myself facing a whirlwind of therapies, appointments, and the world of special education. Yet, amid my anxiety, I looked at Benny, still adorable and blissfully unaware of the fears gripping my heart.
At that moment, I realized something pivotal. Benny is not a statistic; he is my child, unique and deserving of my advocacy. His autism does not define him, nor does it limit his potential. I alone could shape his journey and act as his voice until he finds his own. This newfound awareness ignited a fire within me, empowering me to face each day with determination.
Now, don’t mistake my confidence for perfection. I don’t wake up radiant and ready to conquer the world; rather, I often start my mornings as a dazed zombie until I’ve had my coffee and a few precious moments of quiet. But what I do have in abundance is a robust sense of humor. My wit is as sharp as my caffeine cravings, and I wield it generously.
Whenever the weight of anxiety settles in, I tap into that humor, and for a moment, the world feels lighter. There’s hardly a situation a good joke can’t lighten, except maybe the chaos of labor and delivery. With laughter at my side, I feel equipped to handle whatever life throws my way.
Benny shares this infectious sense of humor. He learns through silliness; if laughter were currency, he’d be among the wealthiest kids on the planet. His hearty giggles can turn any moment into joy. I hope he retains this magical ability to find humor in everything as he grows. From laughing at silly moments to delighting in the simplest pleasures, each smile from him fills my heart with warmth.
Just the other day, I met a mother whose daughter had just been diagnosed with autism, and I could see the fear in her eyes. “What activities does she enjoy?” I asked, trying to help her navigate this new terrain. “Oh, she’s not really into toys yet, but she loves bouncing on the couch and laughing,” the mom replied.
“Perfect!” I exclaimed. “Join her! Bounce alongside her and share those giggles. Use her talent for laughter and turn it into a superpower! You’ll both be happier for it!”
While I may not be providing Benny with the traditional milestones like mastering languages or table manners, I’m raising a joyful, vibrant child who finds happiness within himself and the world around him. Regardless of the ups and downs each day brings, the beauty of humor ensures that we go to sleep with smiles on our faces.
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Summary
This article reflects on the author’s journey through the challenges of motherhood, particularly after a life-changing autism diagnosis for their son. By embracing humor amidst difficulties, the author discovers a powerful tool for coping and fostering connection with their child. The narrative emphasizes that laughter can be a source of strength, joy, and resilience in parenting.