October has traditionally been a month of joy and celebration for me. The vibrant hues of autumn foliage, the enticing aromas of seasonal harvests, and the refreshing chill in the air all contribute to my appreciation for this time of year. I relish the excitement of football games, invigorating hikes in the mountains, and the comfort of cozy sweaters. However, in October 2016, my experience took a drastic turn with the appearance of a rash on my breast, culminating in a diagnosis of inflammatory breast cancer (IBC).
I distinctly recall my visit to the diagnostic imaging center, where a massive banner promoting breast cancer awareness loomed above me. It struck me as ironic; surely, anyone undergoing a mammogram, ultrasound, or breast MRI is acutely aware of breast cancer. As I navigated this new reality, I found myself grappling with the fear of an uncertain future, the thought of experiencing another autumn felt distant and improbable.
Fast forward to October 2023, and I find myself surrounded by an overwhelming surge of pink. I have already received messages urging me to “be aware” of breast cancer. Frankly, this pervasive pink phenomenon can be frustrating. The color clashes with the rich palette of fall, and reminders of my diagnosis only serve to reignite the fears I wish to set aside.
This year, I am determined to reclaim October. While athletes may don pink footwear, my home is adorned with warm shades of gold, orange, brown, and green. Pumpkins, sunflowers, and cotton stalks fill my living space, transforming it into a festive autumn haven. Even my pantry boasts pumpkin-flavored snacks, and seasonal candles have replaced summer scents, infusing my home with the essence of fall.
I share this to inspire my fellow IBC warriors. While I may not harbor the anger I once felt, I recognize that IBC has stripped away significant aspects of my life. It altered my physical form, left me with thinning hair and missing eyebrows, and cast a shadow of uncertainty over my future. The toll it has taken is substantial, but I refuse to let it claim my October.
As we encounter reminders of breast cancer this month, I encourage you to view these messages as expressions of care from those wishing to alleviate suffering. Acknowledge the sentiment, but redirect your focus to the beautiful aspects of life.
We have lost far too many IBC sisters—beloved mothers, wives, grandmothers, and friends—who longed to savor this fall season. In their memory, let us cherish each moment and honor their absence by treasuring what we still possess, regardless of its limitations.
For those currently undergoing treatment, it’s understandable if enjoying the season feels unattainable. I empathize with your struggle. Just two years ago, I believed my life was over, and I was profoundly mistaken. Hold on to hope for brighter days ahead. Observe the changing season, and if possible, engage in activities that bring you joy. If your condition confines you to bed, request something that can uplift your space. Choosing to appreciate the season is an act of embracing life, and as long as I do so, cancer cannot claim victory.
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In summary, October is a month of transformation, and despite the challenges that IBC has introduced into my life, I am resolute in reclaiming this season. I invite others to join me in focusing on the beauty of life and the warmth of community, while also honoring those who are no longer with us.