When my partner and I show up anywhere with our crew, we’ve got a lively party of six in tow. It’s chaotic, exhausting, and undeniably loud. Yet, this is my family, my joy—and I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.
However, I’m also human. I won’t pretend that raising a family of six is without its challenges. Like many mothers, I often feel stretched to my limits—housework piles up, handprints adorn the walls, and some days I feel like I’m hanging on by a thread, just trying to keep it all together.
I’m open about these challenges, sharing them in conversation and writing, hoping to bridge the gap between moms who feel isolated in their struggles. Yet, it’s disheartening to experience the harsh judgment from some people when they see mothers with many children.
I know I shouldn’t let it bother me, but I can’t help but feel irritated by the snarky comments. Questions like, “Did you think it would get easier after your first, second, or third?” or “Why did you decide to have more kids?” are all too common. Yes, my partner and I have four kids—all under four years old. We made this choice, and we’re fully responsible for the beautiful chaos of our large family.
But here’s the truth: we’re allowed to express our struggles without facing judgment simply because our family size doesn’t conform to someone else’s expectations. When I hear those snide remarks, I can only laugh. It’s amusing, really, how little some people understand about our lives.
To clarify, we actually have five children, though most people don’t know that unless they’re close to us. I don’t typically start conversations with, “Hi, I’m Jenna, and I have a bustling family that includes one child who sadly passed away.” It’s too heavy to share with every new acquaintance or in every article.
As for my two toddlers and two preschoolers, they are actually two sets of twins—something most people don’t realize unless I explain it. I share this not to justify our choices, but to remind others that everyone has a unique story. We all face complexities in life, and no one’s journey is simple.
Why another mom has chosen to have just one child while I opted for more is not something I need to understand. Perhaps she struggled with infertility, or maybe she simply prefers a smaller family. Ultimately, it’s none of my business.
The reality is that every mother’s challenges are valid, regardless of how many children she has. Yet, it seems society often places a “no mercy” label on moms of larger families. We’re expected to endure our struggles silently because, after all, we chose this path.
Why should we be subjected to such harshness? Moms with many kids deserve compassion and support—just like every other mother out there. This unwarranted criticism is baffling and needs to change. When people scoff at our difficulties, it’s like they’re dismissing us as if we’re just whining about minor inconveniences. But we’re adults navigating the complexities of life, and having a big family doesn’t mean we shouldn’t express our frustrations.
Big families aren’t the issue; the lack of empathy from others is. I refuse to apologize for the family I love or for sharing my experiences. My voice matters, and I’m a proud mom of many whose struggles are just as significant as anyone else’s.
In the journey of motherhood, we all need understanding and kindness, regardless of the size of our families.
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