I often wish I could spend more time with my family. After relocating to the Midwest, the distance makes it difficult to visit, limiting our time together to just a few occasions each year. When I return home, it feels like a much-needed recharge, allowing me to cope with the loneliness that sets in when I’m away from them.
During my home visits, I try to embrace the life I had before marriage and kids—hanging out with old friends, dining at favorite restaurants, and occasionally enjoying the nightlife. However, after being a mother for over three years and a wife for nearly five, I recognize that things will never return to how they once were. One of the most significant reminders of this is the unsolicited advice I receive from loved ones regarding my parenting choices.
While I cherish my family, their comments can be quite frustrating! Coming from a traditional Southern upbringing, our family dynamics are quite stereotypical—faith is paramount, sweet tea is a staple, and our conversations are often laced with colorful metaphors. We mirror the Texans you often see in movies and TV shows.
With this culture comes the expectation that children should be seen, not heard. “Respect for elders” is a deeply rooted belief, and it puzzles many of my relatives that I choose a more laid-back, “crunchy” approach to parenting.
Don’t get me wrong; I value respect for elders. However, unlike my family, I believe respect is something that must be earned. I refuse to compel my children to hug or kiss relatives they barely know; to me, that undermines their bodily autonomy.
My husband and I view children as individuals who will eventually need to make their own choices. Instead of controlling them, we aim to equip them with critical thinking skills and the ability to navigate their own lives. Yet, raising my children in a manner that diverges from my family’s traditions often leaves me feeling isolated. Visits home can be particularly stressful, as it highlights the absence of a supportive “village” in my parenting journey.
When my son has a tantrum, as all three-year-olds do, we both anticipate it, but our responses differ greatly. I prefer a more passive approach, allowing him to understand that acting out is ineffective—unless his behavior crosses a line. My family, however, believes in immediate correction of misbehavior. As a result, I often hear comments like, “When you were his age, you had better home training.”
While I know their intentions are to be helpful, the unsolicited feedback can sting, especially coming from my “village.” Their remarks sometimes lead me to question my parenting abilities and respond in ways that clash with my usual style. At home, I’m inclined to cuddle and comfort my kids rather than let them cry it out. Back in my hometown, I find myself adopting an authoritarian stance, which feels uncomfortable and inauthentic.
I realize these visits are challenging for my family, too, as my parenting choices clash with their traditional views. For instance, we avoid pork, which eliminates many dishes I grew up loving—my kids miss out on bacon for breakfast, a staple of my childhood.
Even my decision to pursue my passions while caring for my children at home, rather than opting for conventional employment and daycare, deviates from the norm. Yet, I’ve come to understand my parenting style stems from the way my own mother raised me, instilling a sense of freedom and personal agency. I was never taught that fitting in was essential, and I am grateful for that.
Still, I worry that my approach may be misinterpreted by my grandparents and relatives as a rejection of their values. The Southern way places a great emphasis on parental instincts while accommodating social customs, but I challenge this by refusing to conform to external expectations.
I wish I could convey to my loved ones that my parenting choices are not a critique of their methods. Instead, they reflect how I’ve taken their teachings and forged my own path. The foods they enjoy are delectable, but I understand that what’s considered good may not always be beneficial. I strive for moderation in my choices for a healthier life. My children might think jumping on couches is acceptable, but I believe there’s a way to balance fun with teaching them social skills.
Ultimately, I don’t require the rigid guidelines of my upbringing. What I truly need is their support, acceptance, and unconditional love.
For further insights into home insemination, check out this resource on intracervical insemination. If you’re interested in the topic of at-home insemination, Cryobaby’s kit can be an invaluable tool, while Rmany’s blog offers excellent information on pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary
The author reflects on the challenges of parenting differently from their traditional Southern family, feeling isolated and receiving unsolicited advice during visits home. They emphasize the importance of support and acceptance while navigating their unique parenting style.