My son has always faced challenges with his hair. Before reaching puberty, he attempted to style it into the Justin Bieber Side Sweep, but it ended in disappointment and tears every time. His coarse, curly locks have a will of their own, compounded by cowlicks that make achieving what he considers a “normal hairstyle” nearly impossible.
In elementary school, he frequently donned a baseball cap, and later, he experimented with a handkerchief tied around his head like a headband to manage his hair. It seemed as though his hair was the center of his universe.
Around the age of eleven, he began to panic as he noticed hair shedding. After a week of tears and anxiety over the strands left in the sink, I consulted his pediatrician, who reassured us that this shedding was a typical part of growing up. His hair was undeniably evolving—it became coarser, darker, and began to grow in unexpected directions.
That year, at his request, I attempted to straighten it for him every morning. Unfortunately, my efforts fell short. He continued to go to school visibly upset, despite my investment in various hair products and salon visits. My goal was for him to embrace his hair, and more importantly, himself.
As a teenager now, he has come to a place of acceptance, proudly declaring, “This is my hair, and I’m cool with it.” Reflecting on those earlier struggles, I never imagined we would reach this point, but I am immensely grateful we have.
He has endured hurtful comments such as, “Your hair looks like pubic hair,” and “Your hair is so tall.” It’s astonishing how thoughtless people can be about another’s appearance. My son is well aware of his hair’s uniqueness—it belongs to him. Yet, it remains frustrating how some, particularly older generations, feel entitled to comment on his hair, as if it were their business to judge and touch it.
Recently, he sported a stylish man bun, which I helped him achieve, and he excitedly shared a photo on social media. However, negative feedback quickly followed, with comments like, “Buns are for girls,” and “Dude, cut your hair.”
If someone seeks your opinion on their appearance, they will ask for it. The impulse to shame others for not conforming to outdated standards is utterly perplexing. No one should feel scrutinized for their body, clothing choices, or hairstyle. We cannot know the personal journeys individuals are on, nor the courage it takes for them to express themselves, whether through social media or in everyday life.
Personal style is an expression of individuality, and it is not for others to judge. It fosters negative sentiments for those targeted by unsolicited opinions. We can encourage our children—and ourselves—to disregard the judgments of others, yet words still have the power to hurt.
I am relieved my son has developed enough self-esteem to overlook these remarks, although they still affect him. To those who believe they have the right to comment on someone else’s appearance: please keep your thoughts about hair, clothing, and bodies to yourself. Such comments only reveal your ignorance and disconnect from reality.
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Summary
The article discusses the importance of bodily autonomy, particularly in relation to personal hair choices. The author shares their son’s journey with self-acceptance regarding his hair, highlighting the impact of societal judgments. The piece advocates for respecting individual expression and discourages unsolicited opinions about appearances.