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When I think of the classic “birds and the bees” talk between parents and kids, I can’t help but picture those cringe-worthy scenes from 80s films. Usually, it’s a father awkwardly sitting down with his teenage son for a serious discussion, only to end up with both parties feeling uncomfortable and the teen no wiser.
Relying on outdated movie portrayals for parenting advice is probably not the best approach. For many parents, initiating conversations about sex and sexuality with their children can be challenging. They often feel unsure about when or how to begin. To shed light on this topic, we consulted Jamie Ellis, a sexual health counselor and medical advisor, for insight on navigating these sometimes tricky discussions.
There’s No Single Talk
Unlike what those films suggest, conversations about sex and bodies begin long before your child turns sixteen. Jamie emphasizes that discussions should start from birth, incorporating language used during diaper changes and everyday interactions. For younger kids, the focus should be on body safety, boundaries, and understanding how their bodies function. Topics such as bowel movements and digestion are great starting points.
Additionally, Jamie advocates for early discussions about sexuality, helping children understand their identities and teaching them the correct names for body parts, including genitals, as just another aspect of their bodies.
Be Ready for Questions
It’s crucial for parents to educate themselves about sexual health and anatomy. “Many adults don’t fully understand the body,” Jamie points out, and it’s perfectly fine to admit when you don’t know something and to look it up together. Initiating conversations by asking children what they already know can provide valuable insight into their understanding and readiness.
One recommended resource is the book “Sex Is A Funny Word,” a comic aimed at kids aged 8-12 that can also benefit adults looking to navigate these discussions.
Avoid Fabrications
Jamie advises against using myths like babies coming from storks or cabbage patches. While children develop at different paces, honesty is essential, and the conversation can be made engaging. Jamie suggests explaining that there’s a “special tunnel called a vagina” through which babies can be born. It’s also vital to discuss other ways children come into families, such as adoption and surrogacy.
As children mature and inquire about reproduction, Jamie recommends starting with a simple explanation: when two people love each other, a part of each combines when they’re in a loving moment. Also, conversations should be inclusive, discussing those who can produce sperm and eggs rather than adhering to strict heteronormative norms.
Teach Consent Early
Jamie underscores the importance of teaching consent from a young age. Children should know it’s okay to refuse hugs or say “no” when they’re uncomfortable. This foundational understanding helps them communicate their boundaries as they grow and begin interacting with peers. “It’s vital for children to feel empowered to voice their discomfort,” Jamie notes, especially in a culture that often normalizes unwanted touching or hugging.
Don’t Wait for Questions to Arise
Introduce topics of sex around ages 9 or 10 without making it awkward, Jamie suggests. Research indicates that discussing sex and sexuality with children tends to delay their first sexual experience, leading to more consensual and enjoyable encounters when they do happen.
In addition to consent, Jamie encourages conversations about pleasure. Drawing parallels to food preferences can help kids understand attraction and what feels good.
Parents should confront their discomfort about these discussions, as they are essential for fostering a supportive environment. Jamie emphasizes that these conversations should be ongoing, aiming to raise children who feel empowered, experience pleasure, and build healthy relationships.
For more insights on related topics, check out our other post about privacy policies here. Additionally, you can find valuable information on home insemination at Make a Mom.
Summary
Initiating conversations about sex and sexuality with children doesn’t have to be uncomfortable. Start early, keep discussions honest, and focus on teaching consent and pleasure. Engaging with resources can help parents navigate these crucial talks, fostering a healthy understanding of intimacy in their children.
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