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I cherish my friendships from various stages of my life. From childhood pals to college roommates and colleagues I’ve met through work and motherhood, each one holds a special place in my heart. I’m thankful that social media allows me to stay connected with them effortlessly. A simple “like” or an occasional text shows I’m thinking of them without requiring a huge investment of time. Most of my friends understand that as a busy mom of four, I can’t engage in high-maintenance friendships.
However, my closest friend, Sarah, is the most demanding of them all. We lived together in college, and our bond has endured many ups and downs. I stood by her during her first marriage, supported her through a divorce, and even flew to Vegas to celebrate her third wedding. We’ve shared a friendship for 25 years, but her expectations from me have grown overwhelming, and I can’t keep up any longer.
Despite her multiple marriages, Sarah has chosen a life without children. Her world revolves around pampering herself, her dogs, and her husband. She indulges in designer items and enjoys a chic urban lifestyle, having traveled extensively. While it might seem fun, it’s worlds apart from my reality filled with kids and a minivan. She doesn’t comprehend my life and its demands.
I can’t spend hours talking on the phone or driving around, so I often let her calls go to voicemail. My time is consumed with household chores, homework help, and shuttling kids to activities. I simply can’t prioritize her issues, no matter how trivial they may seem. For instance, I’m sorry her nail technician messed up, but does that really warrant a lengthy conversation? A quick text would suffice for me.
Sarah struggles to understand why I don’t keep up with regular nail appointments or why I can’t drop everything to join her. She thinks I’ve lost my sense of self, but the truth is my priorities have shifted. I used to enjoy those indulgences, but now I’d rather spend that money on my children. A mom and a single woman have very different priorities, and she fails to see that.
She’s baffled by my lack of experience with the latest restaurants or movies, but date nights aren’t a frequent luxury for me. While she jets off to Mexico for a weekend, I might find myself at Target on a Thursday night. We live in completely different worlds, yet she doesn’t recognize that.
Recently, we went on a family vacation, something we had eagerly anticipated. On the very first day, Sarah called just to chat. When I told her I was busy enjoying the beach, she continued to reach out, FaceTiming me multiple times. It felt as if I wasn’t allowed to enjoy life without her constant presence.
To be fair, I do call her when I can give her my full attention. I care about her life and want to be a supportive friend, but I don’t need a daily play-by-play. I don’t even check in with my husband that often!
I know Sarah has faced her share of challenges and feels lonely, but I can’t quite relate. When you have five people relying on you, there’s little room for self-pity. She has the luxury of time to reflect, which can be hard.
I don’t pity her; she has a fulfilling life and is happy. The difference in our lifestyles is a choice she made, not a limitation. I chose motherhood over a career, and I have no regrets. I sometimes wish our friendship could be enough with occasional texts or dinners, but I long for her to understand that I can’t always be available.
I want her in my life forever. I hope we continue to share our experiences, but I simply can’t afford to dedicate 45 minutes in the morning to lengthy conversations.
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In conclusion, while I deeply value my friendship with Sarah, the demands she places on me can sometimes feel overwhelming. I hope that with time, she can appreciate the different paths we’ve chosen and understand that our bond can still thrive, even with the limitations of my current lifestyle.