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We’re all familiar with the classic rom-com scenarios where the nerd wins over the popular girl. Take “Superbad,” for instance, where a socially awkward high school graduate gets to chase after the charming Emma Stone by the end. Or consider “There’s Something About Mary,” where after a series of comedic misadventures, Cameron Diaz chooses the quirky, awkward guy over a slew of more conventionally attractive suitors. Films like “Revenge of the Nerds” and “The 40-Year-Old Virgin” further cement this trend.
And let’s not overlook the timeless tales where the shy, overlooked girl captures the heart of the charming boy. Patrick Swayze reminds us that “Nobody puts Baby in the corner,” showing that a well-timed dance move can change everything, while by the end of “16 Candles,” Molly Ringwald’s character is left in disbelief when she finally kisses her crush, Jake, on her sweet sixteen. What a dream!
However, less common are the films that showcase a genuine friendship that evolves into a beautiful romance. Sure, there are some out there, but they often don’t receive the same acclaim. I’ll admit that “When Harry Met Sally” is one exception, although I mostly remember the famous food court scene.
Imagine a movie where romance grows from a solid friendship: 1.) Alex and Mia meet in culinary school; 2.) They study together, discussing the intricacies of soufflés and knife skills; 3.) Frankly, who cares what else happens? It takes an eternity for their friendship to shift into a dull and predictable romance, leaving viewers yawning long before the climax.
Perhaps the friends-to-lovers theme doesn’t translate well to the big screen, yet in reality, it seems to be thriving. Danu Stinson, a psychology professor at the University of Victoria, has dedicated two decades to studying how relationships begin. Her latest research focuses on “friends-first relationship initiation,” an area she believes has not been thoroughly examined.
Stinson’s findings were both expected and eye-opening. According to CNN’s Sarah Molano, while she anticipated that friend-based relationships would be common, she was surprised by how prevalent they are in her research. Stinson discovered that two-thirds of romantic relationships began as friendships, often developing over months or even years. This pattern appears to transcend various demographics, including age, ethnicity, and sexual orientation.
While much literature exists on the immediate spark of attraction, there is a notable lack of research on friendships evolving into romance. One barrier is the cultural “heterosexist scripts” that restrict scientific exploration. Stinson points out that societal norms suggest relationships are born from initial sexual attraction, leading to men taking bold actions and women focusing on their appearance. This stereotype has limited the exploration of alternative pathways to romance.
I’ll admit, I’m guilty of adhering to these stereotypes. I like to think of myself as progressive, yet I’ve been swayed by the traditional narratives. I’ve always cheered for the immediate spark over the slow burn of friendship. But why not appreciate the charm of a relationship that develops over time, perhaps at the 300th glance?
Stinson’s study may challenge us to reassess our expectations about relationships. At the very least, it opens the door for future research. Joanne Davila, a clinical psychology professor and director of the Relationship Development Center at Stony Brook University, believes additional studies are needed to determine whether friends-first or dating-first relationships lead to healthier, more stable long-term connections. Are there significant differences between the two?
What if future research reveals that dating-first couples create strong, lasting bonds, whereas friends-first couples experience tumultuous relationships filled with passionate reconciliations? That sounds like a plot ripe for a compelling film!
This article was originally published on Aug. 8, 2021.
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Summary:
Research suggests that a significant portion of romantic relationships begin as friendships, challenging traditional notions of how love starts. This phenomenon, while often underrepresented in movies, is prevalent in real life. Understanding these dynamics may lead to healthier, long-lasting relationships.