We’ve Misled Middle-Aged Women for Too Long – It’s Time to Change That

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There’s so much about navigating your 40s that can feel bizarre and unexpected. Even the things you anticipated—like the appearance of wrinkles or sudden night sweats—hit you like a ton of bricks when they finally arrive. I don’t know why, but I thought those “middle-aged woman” clichés would apply to others, not me, or that they wouldn’t strike so early. It’s wild to realize I’m actually in my 40s!

This is a strange yet fascinating phase of life, without a doubt. Adding to the complexity—and by “complexity,” I mean it can be incredibly challenging—is the realization that we’ve been subjected to a form of gaslighting. For generations, society has been gaslighting middle-aged women to the point that we hardly notice it anymore.

How many of us are familiar with the term “midlife crisis”? Pretty much all of us. It’s often expressed with a dismissive attitude, as if every discomfort or emotion that deviates from the stereotype of what women “should” feel is trivialized. It implies that our frustrations are excessive and can be attributed casually to “hormones.”

Well, I’m calling BS on that.

People love to romanticize the newfound freedom that supposedly comes with your 40s. And sure, to an extent, we do care less about insignificant matters, but we also become more invested in the things that truly matter, and that can be emotionally draining. We’re better at filtering out the nonsense, but this also exposes just how much nonsense exists in the world.

Some days, you might feel fabulous in your 40s, sporting that carefree attitude like a superhero cape. Other days, you might feel more like, “I’m forty and fed up.” Trust me, this fluctuation is completely normal. The problem is, no one seems to be addressing it. We either hear about how amazing your 40s are or how they’re a total “crisis.” Both perspectives are flawed.

We’ve been fed a series of lies. We’ve been misled for years—no, generations—because society struggles to understand the multifaceted nature of middle-aged women. This gaslighting only adds to our confusion. If we don’t feel that liberating indifference, we think something is wrong with us. If we experience frustration, we dismiss it as just another midlife crisis, as everyone claims.

But here’s the truth: however you’re feeling is valid. It’s not a crisis; it’s simply being human.

Are we feeling restless and uneasy? Absolutely. And we have every right to feel that way. Life is hurtling by, and we’re constantly reminded that it’s both fleeting and precious. We want to shake ourselves and say, “GO. DO THAT THING YOU’VE BEEN PUTTING OFF!” But the exhaustion is real. We have pre-teens who need rides to soccer practice and reminders to study for their history tests.

Are we angry? You bet we are. And justifiably so. The world is chaotic. If you’re not a little ticked off, you’re not paying attention. But does that mean we don’t also appreciate the good in our lives? Absolutely not. We can be thankful and joyful while also feeling angry and frustrated. It’s part of the human experience.

Are we confused and scared? Of course! We’re juggling responsibilities for our aging parents, growing children, careers, relationships, and somehow trying to carve out time for our own needs—all while battling sleepless nights as our bodies seem to regress to teenage behavior.

We lie awake at night, worrying about a child struggling in school, feeling guilty for not spending enough time with a lonely parent, and stressing over emails sent by our boss at 9 p.m. Just when we start to relax, we’re hit with heartburn or realize it’s sweltering in the bedroom. Is it too much to ask for a moment of peace? Then, the next morning, a commercial for diapers makes us tear up.

This isn’t abnormal. This isn’t a crisis. It’s the reality of life in your 40s. It’s amazing—sometimes—but it’s also perplexing and frightening. Regardless of what others say about how you should feel, your emotions are legitimate.

Let’s shift the narrative. It’s time to recognize the complexities of life in your 40s and beyond. We need to stop gaslighting middle-aged women, including ourselves.

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Summary

Middle-aged women have been misled for generations, facing gaslighting that suggests their feelings and experiences are invalid. This article emphasizes the complexity of emotions during this life stage, advocating for recognition and acceptance of those feelings. It encourages women to embrace their realities without being dictated by societal stereotypes.