How to Teach Your Child to Care About Others’ Feelings

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When my now-15-year-old daughter was little, she had a plush toy named “Buzzy” that sang about different emotions. Buzzy had three songs: one about joy, one about sleepiness, and one about sadness. I can still hear the lyrics: “My ice cream dropped / it’s on the floor / my face is down / and it shows a frown.” The sad tune hit hard, and every time Buzzy sang about being sad, my daughter would tear up.

I initially thought the toy would help teach her about feelings, and it did. What I didn’t realize was that it was also fostering her empathy, as she genuinely felt for Buzzy and his lost ice cream.

Experts agree that empathy is a vital part of emotional intelligence, which is linked to success in various life areas. Without empathy and self-awareness, true satisfaction in relationships and self-acceptance becomes challenging. When we empathize, we connect better with our loved ones and our wider community. The more individuals in a community practice empathy, the more cooperation and support there is among its members.

But what can parents do for kids who seem less attuned to others’ feelings? Children can sometimes lean towards selfishness rather than kindness. However, anthropologists suggest that humans have evolved to work together, relying on their ability to understand each other’s emotions. Empathy is an inherent ability; even if it seems absent at times, it’s there.

Here are some strategies to nurture your child’s natural empathy:

1. Model Empathy: Your actions speak louder than words. Show empathy not just toward your child, but also to others. When they see you trying to understand their emotions, even during difficult moments, it helps them feel understood.
2. Read Together: Share stories that highlight caring and compassion among different characters. Discuss their feelings, the mistakes they make, and how they learn.
3. Acknowledge Empathy: When your child shows compassion, even in small ways, call attention to it. For example, if they notice a sibling is cold and offer a blanket, praise that kindness.
4. Remain Calm: Staying calm is challenging but essential. Reacting with heightened emotions can escalate situations. By modeling self-control, you show them how to navigate their feelings and respond to others’ emotions.
5. Listen Actively: Make it a point to listen, regardless of your disagreement. Understanding someone’s feelings begins with hearing them out. Instead of asking “Why are you upset?” try “How did that make you feel?”
6. Provide Opportunities for Do-Overs: Encourage your child to rethink their actions when they’re unkind. Ask questions to guide them toward considering others’ feelings and allow them to correct their behavior.
7. Establish Boundaries: Teaching empathy doesn’t mean sacrificing your own needs. Show your child the importance of respecting themselves and others by standing up for kindness and respect.

Parenting is a tough job, and one of the greatest gifts we can give our children is the ability to care for others while maintaining their own boundaries. Imagine a world where emotional intelligence is the most prized trait; that’s a world worth striving for.

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