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Parenting can be a complex journey, and a recent conversation with my 11-year-old son made me reflect on its true value. On a chilly day during winter break, I encouraged (more like prodded) him to join me on a dog walk. As we strolled, he posed a thought-provoking question: “Mom, do the benefits of being a parent outweigh the drawbacks?” His inquiry paused me in my tracks, and rather than diving into a lengthy explanation, I remembered the importance of curiosity. “Are you asking if parenting is generally more rewarding than challenging?” When he nodded, I flipped the question back to him: “What do you think?”
After taking a moment, he replied, “The upside is creating another person and watching them grow, which is really cool. But that’s pretty much the only upside.” I then asked him to elaborate on the downsides, and for the next half hour, he elaborated on various challenges of parenthood. One example particularly resonated with me: he described how a parent might feel overwhelmed with work but still needs to assist their child, which can be frustrating. (Ouch. I was well aware of where that scenario originated.)
His insight into this “parenting downside”—the need to help your child while feeling stressed—stayed with me long after we finished our hot cocoa. It highlighted how much parental stress, whether acknowledged or not, is absorbed by our children. Moreover, my son seemed to have internalized the notion that parents help out of obligation rather than desire. This realization was gut-wrenching: he was indirectly communicating that, in the broader scope of our family dynamics, his needs were secondary.
I don’t want my son to feel like a burden, despite the reality that children can be demanding. I want him to feel cherished, even during the overwhelming moments that come with parenting and life’s endless tasks. The more I pondered his question, the more I realized he sought affirmation from me that he is a valued member of our family, both through my words and actions. So, I revisited the conversation, confirming that yes, parenting can be tough and frustrating at times, but the joy of cultivating a person and witnessing their growth far outweighs the challenges.
Three Strategies to Show My Son He Matters
To reinforce this, I implemented three strategies to show my son how much he means to me:
- Dedicate Focused Time: I intentionally set aside moments each day where I can devote my full attention to him, free from distractions like phone calls or social media. Whether it’s playing air hockey, baking, or watching a show together, these moments foster connection and security in our relationship.
- Express Gratitude: Following our shared activities—like walking the dogs or playing soccer—I make it a point to thank him for spending time with me and being such a great companion. This conveys that I genuinely value our time together instead of viewing it as a chore.
- Provide Advance Notice: If I need to focus on work and won’t be available, I give him plenty of notice to prevent feelings of abandonment. We take a moment to discuss any immediate needs he may have before I dive into my tasks, showing that his needs matter even when I can’t assist right away.
These practices are simple but rooted in a profound lesson I’ve learned over nearly two decades of parenting four kids: it’s often the small moments—not grand gestures—that our children cherish. A casual compliment or a few encouraging words can significantly impact their self-esteem. As winter transitions to spring, I hope that during our next dog walk, my son will feel assured that, for me, the benefits of parenting certainly outweigh the challenges.
For more insights into parenting, check out this post on intracervical insemination. If you’re looking for resources on home insemination, Make a Mom is an authority on the subject, and the CDC offers excellent information for those navigating pregnancy.
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In summary, a thoughtful conversation with my son about the pros and cons of parenting opened my eyes to the importance of making him feel valued and cherished, despite the inevitable challenges that arise.