I Never Expected My Son’s Autism to Impact His Little Sister

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As a mother, I always envisioned a home where my children felt completely secure and at ease. I believed that creating a calm and nurturing environment was fundamental to successful parenting. However, things changed when my son, Jake, began exhibiting aggressive behavior toward his younger sister, Mia.

Jake is on the autism spectrum and was diagnosed at five years old. From the moment he was born, I had an instinct that something was different. Now almost ten, Jake’s actions have become increasingly unpredictable and sometimes violent. One moment everything seems peaceful, and the next, he can erupt in anger, posing a danger to Mia, who is much smaller. There have been moments when he has tried to strangle her and even pushed her down the stairs.

Simultaneously, my once adventurous daughter, Mia, started to develop an overwhelming fear of nearly everything. She became anxious in crowds, jumped at loud noises, and grew terrified of tornadoes, despite their rarity in our area. Mia was especially afraid of people using wheelchairs or crutches, convinced that proximity would lead her to suffer the same fates. She began experiencing stomach aches and constantly worried about potential disasters, like our house catching fire. Her anxiety escalated to the point where she refused to go to school and struggled to sleep at night, dreading the next day.

I began to suspect that Mia’s fears were linked to Jake’s aggressive behavior. It became clear that she didn’t always feel safe at home.

Managing Jake’s environment, his therapy sessions, and his education often feels like a full-time job, and I realized I had unintentionally sidelined Mia’s needs since Jake’s diagnosis. Now, it was evident that she was crying out for support.

I contacted Mia’s school for social-emotional testing. Over several weeks, she met with the school psychologist, completing various standardized tests. These assessments required Mia to express her emotions in relation to different scenarios, and I also filled out detailed questionnaires about her anxiety. The school compiled this information into a report, which would inform a plan to help Mia succeed in school.

When the psychologist called to discuss the results, I braced myself; I had learned that personal calls often indicated serious findings. What she revealed confirmed my fears. When asked what makes her sad, Mia instantly replied, “my brother.” She expressed that her family “would be better without Jake” and assigned colors to the people in her life, rating herself and her parents as green but Jake as red.

Research shows that siblings of children with autism can suffer emotionally when their own needs are overlooked. They often internalize distress, leading to issues like anxiety and physical symptoms. Mia’s psychological report indicated that her internalizing behavior was “clinically significant,” validating my concerns and highlighting areas to focus on for her well-being.

I also learned how to identify Jake’s triggers so I could step in before he became violent. I intensified my efforts with his providers to address his aggressive behavior, especially towards Mia. Additionally, I sought out a therapist for Mia, which proved challenging due to increased demand for mental health services post-pandemic. I placed her on multiple waitlists and was pleasantly surprised by how quickly she was able to start therapy. Flexibility in scheduling is crucial—making yourself available increases your chances of finding a therapist who can help.

Reflecting on Jake’s autism diagnosis four years ago, I realized that the impact on Mia was more profound than I had anticipated. I wish I could offer a quick fix for the anxiety that comes with having a sibling with autism and explosive behavior. However, this journey has taught me the importance of recognizing and addressing the needs of both children, ensuring neither feels neglected.

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Summary

The article explores the challenges faced by a mother whose son’s autism affects his younger sister’s emotional well-being. It highlights the need for awareness and support for siblings of children with autism. By seeking therapy for her daughter and learning to manage her son’s behavior, the mother emphasizes the importance of addressing the needs of both children.