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- Let Them Embrace Their Outfit Choices – It’s All Good!
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Sometimes, it’s important to allow your spirited child to make their own fashion decisions. By Jenna Parker
My youngest son absolutely idolizes Captain Marvel, a superhero he identifies with in many ways, both positive and negative. When he requested a Captain Marvel costume just two days before his sixth birthday last year, I scrambled to find one with express shipping—and ended up with a bright yellow wetsuit. Since then, he has joyfully donned that snug spandex blend Captain Marvel suit and proudly strutted around town, leaving little to the imagination. Am I fostering his self-expression or just avoiding a battle over what to wear? Probably both. I also realize that the day will come when neither superheroes nor the charm of costumes will hold the same allure for him, and that time is coming sooner than I’d like. Who am I to say he can’t wear his Captain Marvel suit to preschool, or a friend’s birthday party, or even his sister’s soccer game? (All of these have happened).
Interestingly, there’s a scientific reason behind the struggle of dressing young children: it relates to Erik Erikson’s stage of “autonomy versus shame and doubt,” where children test the boundaries of their independence. Take my three-year-old, for instance—he prefers to wear his shoes on the wrong feet. Why? If given the chance, he always manages to choose the most ridiculous item from his closet. For example, he once found a vintage white infant slip that goes under the family baptismal gown and wore it over his basketball shorts like a tank top. How did he even reach that high shelf?
And then there’s my baby daughter, who glares at any hint of a b-o-w—never utter that word in her presence. She despises the feeling of a hairclip and writhes in horror at the mere thought of wearing one. I can already tell she won’t settle for anything less than a wardrobe assembly system like Cher’s from Clueless, where she swipes through countless options until she finds something she deems acceptable—acceptable by her standards, not mine.
While it may not be rocket science, navigating these wardrobe dilemmas comes down to choosing your battles wisely. It’s often better to sidestep conflict altogether by finding ways to respect their choices in a way that won’t cause harm. Here are a few practical strategies:
- Offer Choices: Would you prefer the blue shirt or the yellow one that’s appropriate for the season?
- Listen to Their Preferences: You don’t want to wear the sweater? I understand. Let’s pack it in your backpack just in case you get chilly (which I know you will).
- Establish a Routine: After breakfast, it’s time to get dressed. Let’s work together on this! If I’m feeling adventurous, I might even let you pick out what I wear (within reason).
- Accommodate Their Ideas: You want to wear my shorts, but they won’t fit you. How about my socks instead? Go for it!
- Prepare Ahead: For special occasions, like weddings where kids will wear something new, I like to lay everything out in advance. This way, everyone can look it over and mentally prepare for the day without surprises.
- Allow Extra Time: Rushing leads to stress. Little hands take longer to put on their (backwards) underwear—much longer.
- Use Rewards: If you wear this outfit for the holiday, I’ll give you four Skittles. I’m open to negotiations for six if you add knee socks too!
I know it sounds silly, and I can see why someone might hesitate to engage in this playful back-and-forth. But when I say yes to my son’s Captain Marvel wetsuit, it often leads to him willingly accepting a collared shirt and belt for more formal events, like a piano recital or his cousin’s graduation. Allowing him that autonomy has transformed how we connect during these moments: I see you, I respect you, and we’re in this together. It’s all sunshine and smiles—until I approach him with a hairbrush, at which point the Captain’s confidence may waver.
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In summary, letting your child wear what makes them happy can foster independence and creativity. While it may seem trivial, these small acts of autonomy can strengthen your relationship and make dressing a more enjoyable experience for everyone involved.