Life Happens
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We’ve all been there. What truly matters is what happens next.
By Jamie Collins
I had just fifteen minutes to get my three-year-old ready, put on her shoes, and make it to her pediatrician appointment. It was already a challenging morning.
The dog had an unfortunate incident on our new rug, the A/C unit was acting strangely, and my daughter, who typically loved eggs, decided they were “yucky,” flinging her plate across the kitchen in protest. Amidst juggling thoughts of calling the A/C repairman and meeting a looming work deadline, I also worried about being late for another doctor’s appointment.
We had to get to this one; her vaccinations were essential before school started. However, my daughter seemed unresponsive to my repeated requests to put on her shoes. After asking for what felt like the hundredth time, I took matters into my own hands and tried to put her shoes on.
“NO! I DO IT!” she screamed, swatting my hand away.
That was the breaking point. Overwhelmed by everything, I snapped. “PUT YOUR SHOES ON — NOW!” I shouted.
Immediately, her tiny face crumpled in tears. My heart dropped as I realized my mistake. This wasn’t the gentle parenting I often promoted on social media. I felt like a failure. The “BAD MOM” label echoed in my mind. Had I created a lasting memory that would haunt her?
Research indicates that yelling can have lasting impacts on children, as highlighted by a study from the University of Pittsburgh, which found that harsh verbal discipline can lead to increased depressive symptoms and behavioral issues in adolescents. But it’s crucial to differentiate between yelling in frustration and actual “harsh verbal discipline.” Context matters significantly.
Although I knew my outburst wouldn’t cause permanent damage, I still needed to rectify the situation. Taking a moment to breathe deeply (thank you, Daniel Tiger!), I knelt down to her level and apologized.
“I felt really frustrated about being late, but I shouldn’t have yelled at you. I’m sorry,” I explained. “Next time, I’ll try to express my feelings without raising my voice. I love you.” I hugged her, and she relaxed in my arms.
As we drove to the appointment, I began to shake off the mom guilt. Did my outburst make me a bad mom? No. Would it scar her for life? No. Would it be the last time I yelled? Certainly not.
This moment of vulnerability was important. It showed her that everyone has big emotions and sometimes they overflow, but that doesn’t make anyone a bad person. By apologizing, I demonstrated the importance of acknowledging mistakes and making amends.
Parenting, especially in these challenging times, is no easy feat. You may yell sometimes, but that’s perfectly okay. You’re not a bad mom; you’re human.
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In summary, yelling at your children doesn’t define your parenting. It’s a moment of human emotion that can be addressed through apologies and understanding. By showing vulnerability, you teach your child about the importance of owning mistakes and moving forward.