The 2015 Victoria’s Secret Swimsuit Buying Guide

Hey there, my fabulous friends! So, as I was indulging in my annual February treat of demolishing a whole box of Girl Scout Thin Mints paired with a nice glass of Pinot Noir, I had a lightbulb moment. I realized I was missing something crucial—the Victoria’s Secret Swimsuit Issue! Now, I debated whether to dive into this again, especially since last year I got some pretty intense backlash, including a few threats and some choice words about my appearance from certain unique individuals. But you know what? Bring it on! A little drama just adds flavor to life, right?

So, here I am, presenting my totally unofficial 2015 Victoria’s Secret Swimsuit Buying Guide! And guess what? You don’t even need to buy anything; I can whip up something for you! I’ll just grab my grandma’s old kitchen curtain and some of her retired mesh footies. Sewing machine? Yeah, that’s a no-go for me. You’re on your own with that one!

Strap Struggles

First up, can someone please give this model a hand with her shoulder straps? It seems like she’s only using one. But hey, who needs both shoulders anyway? Living life on the edge, am I right?

Play Dough Squish Suits

Now, look at this creation—a strange blend of a one-piece and a two-piece bathing suit that looks like it just rolled out of a bizarre fashion show. I like to call these “Play Dough Squish” suits because honestly, my hips would look like little sausages popping through those side straps. Ketchup, anyone?

Keeping It Classy

And here’s a modest option for those who want to keep it classy but still have a little fun. But seriously, we could use a hose and maybe a shirt for this poor gal. Nothing worse than sand in uncomfortable places. I can only imagine how her nipples feel right now—exfoliated or worse, bleeding!

Rock Napping

Oh, and let’s not forget this gem: “These rocks look comfy. I think I’ll just spread out here for a nap.” Yeah, right! I’d probably end up with a post-breastfeeding situation on one side while getting washed away by that big wave behind me. Classic.

Hammock Dilemmas

And what about this hammock? Are you planning to get in it or just stand there looking cute? Move it, friend; mama needs a nap! While you’re up, how about a vodka on the rocks?

Additional Resources

If you want to learn more about home insemination, check out this interesting blog post. And if you’re looking for reliable information on pregnancy and fertility, this resource is excellent.

Conclusion

To wrap it up, this year’s swimsuit guide is all about embracing the fun, the funky, and the fabulous. Whether you’re strutting your stuff on the beach or just chilling at home, remember to have a good laugh and enjoy the ride.