We all have that one friend who constantly requires justification: “He’s typically not like this,” or “You’ll love him once you get to know him,” or “He just has a quirky sense of humor.” But at some point, it becomes clear that those excuses are piling up, and maybe it’s time for them to take some responsibility for their actions. Lately, I’ve been feeling this way about my son.
I won’t sugarcoat it: he can be quite a challenge at times. While his cheerful demeanor usually shines through, the last few months have been particularly trying. When we go out and he starts misbehaving, I used to feel embarrassed and quickly provide excuses: “He missed his nap,” “He’s teething,” “He’s just hungry,” or “That bright light is bothering him.”
These days, though, I’m opting for a different approach. Sure, you can’t truly blame a toddler for their antics, but you can stop making excuses for them. After several months of navigating the trials of the terrible twos, I’ve decided to hold him accountable. Sorry, buddy, but sometimes, it’s really you.
Just yesterday, I was at a bar with some friends when my partner, Sarah, arrived with our little guy. He hadn’t met everyone at the table yet, but he’s usually quick to warm up. Unfortunately, he’s been taking full advantage of this “terrible” phase. After hiding his face in Sarah’s neck for a bit, he erupted into screams every time someone looked his way. As a parent who’s seen this drama unfold countless times, I’ve had enough. Instead of offering a half-hearted explanation for his behavior, I simply said, “Don’t mind him; yelling is his go-to these days. It’s nothing personal; he’s just being a little brat.”
It feels liberating to adopt this new mindset. Of course, there’s a distinction between not making excuses for his behavior and letting it slide unchecked, and I’m not advocating for that. We still firmly discipline him and accept our share of responsibility for shaping who he becomes. The terrible twos are a universal experience for parents, regardless of their parenting style, and we just have to weather the storm. While we do, it’s time to stop letting him evade the consequences of his actions.
If he keeps this up, he might find himself unwelcome in every playground around!
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In summary, it’s important to recognize our children as individuals responsible for their actions. As parents, we can guide them, but they also need to learn accountability.