It’s Normal to Feel Frustrated with Your Baby

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It’s Normal to Feel Frustrated with Your Baby

by Jamie Thompson

Updated: Aug. 22, 2015

Originally Published: Aug. 17, 2013

Let’s not skim over the obvious: becoming a parent is a monumental shift. One moment, you’re child-free, and the next, your life is forever transformed. Adjusting to this new reality can be challenging, even with nine months to prepare.

No matter how many parenting books you devour or how many baby gadgets you acquire, nothing can truly ready you for the experience of parenting. The reality of having a child is something you can only grasp through firsthand experience. Initially, it can be a tough transition.

It’s perfectly fine to acknowledge that sometimes your little one can be a handful. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed by the demands of parenting. And yes, it’s okay to feel frustrated with your baby.

Let’s be honest: babies can be a lot to handle. Sure, they might have that adorable baby smell—if that’s your thing—and they can be cute in a generic way. But they bring little to the table aside from anxiety and the occasional charming grin. So, if after nine months of anticipation you find yourself feeling a bit let down upon meeting your baby, you’re not alone. It’s hard for anything to match such lofty expectations (except perhaps the latest blockbuster movie).

In reality, babies are bundles of responsibility. They can feel like expensive little parasites that turn your life upside down. For the first several months, they primarily do the basics: eat, cry, sleep, and repeat. There’s not much else to engage with. (The irony of parenting is that once you get through the baby stage, things can get pretty chaotic, especially during the teenage years.)

Many new parents worry when they don’t feel an immediate rush of love for their newborn. “Is something wrong with me? Why didn’t I feel an instant connection?” While these feelings can be concerning, they’re not unusual. Everyone’s emotional landscape is different. Not everyone has the same eagerness to become parents, or they may not find themselves in the best circumstances. Just because you don’t feel an instant bond doesn’t make you a bad person. (Remember, it’s the babies who can sometimes be the real troublemakers!)

I was lucky enough to feel a strong connection with my newborn son from the get-go, but I will admit that he started testing my patience as he grew. It’s not unreasonable to feel neutral at first, particularly for new fathers.

For men, pregnancy is a different journey. Until the big day arrives, the experience remains largely theoretical. Even if a dad-to-be claims, “We’re pregnant,” the reality is that they aren’t physically changing. They can still enjoy life as usual. On the other hand, mothers begin transforming long before they even take a test. Their bodies are changing, and they often feel a deeper connection to the baby from the start. This means moms typically prepare for parenthood much sooner than dads do.

Pregnancy for moms is like driving up a long ramp; for dads, it’s more like a sudden drop. It can take some time for fathers to fully comprehend the reality of parenthood until they have something tangible to connect with—maybe it’s the first ultrasound or feeling the baby kick. Sometimes, it’s not until the baby arrives that the reality hits home. Regardless, if any parent needs a little time to adjust to their new role or foster a connection with their newborn, that’s completely understandable.

Let’s face it: babies can be demanding, loud, and stressful. If you encountered an adult with those traits, you’d likely make a quick exit. But with babies, there’s no escape; you’re responsible for them. It’s your role to care for that little person, to endure the challenges of infancy, and to stick around long enough to witness the amazing individual they will become—someone with unique desires, thoughts, interests, and emotions. While I can’t promise they’ll be perfect, they will develop a personality. So, give it time.

Feeling frustrated with your baby is normal. Just remember that this stage won’t last forever. Stick around to see who your little one grows into, and you might find that those initial feelings fade away.

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Summary:

It’s common for new parents to feel overwhelmed and even frustrated with their newborns. The transition into parenthood can be challenging, and it’s important to recognize that not everyone feels an immediate bond with their baby. Understanding that this phase is temporary can help parents navigate the journey with a bit more ease.