Why I Spend Quality Time with My Kids

When you first start getting to know someone who might become a romantic partner, you often seek out a variety of experiences together—coffee dates, dinners, movie outings, and more. These activities allow you to explore each other’s personalities and see how well you connect. Initially, dating is about discovery; as the relationship deepens, it becomes a way to create lasting memories and strengthen your bond.

My partner and I “date” our children for similar reasons—not in a romantic way, of course, but to foster a deeper understanding of who they are. Even though we both work from home and spend considerable time with our kids, we realized that we were missing quality one-on-one moments with each child. We wanted to explore their interests and personalities beyond the family dynamic and daily routines.

So, we implemented a system where we schedule “dates” with each child once a month. Here’s how it works:

We alternate months.

One month, I take the kids out, and the next month, my partner takes them. We tried to go out together each month, but with our busy lives and various commitments, that became quite challenging. By alternating, we ensure consistent quality time without overwhelming our schedules.

We keep it affordable.

Our dates are usually simple and low-cost, like trips to the local ice cream shop or bubble tea café. Sometimes, my oldest child requests a visit to craft stores like Michael’s or JoAnn’s to hunt for supplies. We’ve even browsed thrift stores and coffee shops together. Occasionally, we’ll splurge on a meal if our recent outings were on the cheaper side. I aim to keep each date around $10 to stay within our budget.

We focus on conversation.

While our kids have suggested movie dates, we prefer activities that promote conversation. The goal of these outings is to truly get to know our children and give them a space to share thoughts or questions they might hesitate to voice in front of siblings. This intentional time together is about connection.

We don’t stress about perfection.

While our one-on-one time is precious, it doesn’t have to be extraordinary. Some outings are delightful bonding experiences, while others are just okay. What matters most is the effort to connect. Our kids look forward to these moments and appreciate having a parent all to themselves, even if it’s just for a simple activity like sharing a bowl of ice cream.

We express our enjoyment.

During our outings, I notice my kids opening up in ways they usually don’t at home. My partner has experienced this too. These intimate conversations are invaluable, and stepping outside our usual environment allows us to see each child as an individual. This dedicated time strengthens our bond and nurtures our relationship.

Building these close connections forms the bedrock for everything from discipline to trust and cooperation around the house. I always tell my kids how enjoyable it is to spend time together; when they feel genuinely connected to us, they tend to be more helpful and respectful. I believe that the time invested now will pay off significantly in the future.

It may sound a bit unconventional to say we “date” our kids, but that’s exactly what we do. We carve out special moments away from our daily routine and family dynamics, focusing on our unique relationships. We share stories, laugh, and simply enjoy each other’s company, deepening our love for one another.

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Summary:

Spending quality time with each child through monthly “dates” helps strengthen family bonds, allowing for meaningful conversations and unique experiences outside of the usual family routine. This intentional time fosters connection and understanding, ultimately benefiting the family dynamic as a whole.